Sunday, January 28, 2007

Sleight of hand and twist of fate

In the greater scheme or the big picture, nothing we do matters. There's no grand plan, no big win.
We are born, we live, we breath, we function for the everyday, and then we die. The point of life? I don't know, I don't understand why we're here. From what I gather, we don't make a difference. If we're lucky, we're here for 80 years (some people longer), not really making an imprint on anything. This world has been here thousands of years and it will still be here when all of us are extinct. I've heard that in order to make an impact all you have to do is be a friend. Most of my friends are untouchable. I want hugs from my guys, I want to let them know that I love them, but there are so many unseen lines that I can't break, can't mess up the twinge of a friendship that exists there.
I've got a character flaw, I hesistate to share it. With the exception of 2, all my friends change after learning about my character flaw. They feel they must do something about it, when the one thing that would mean the most to me doesn't enter their minds.

It's the sense of touch. I want that human touch. We go through our lives trying not to get too close to people, just so we don't have to hurt. Or at least that's what I do. I have a stone cold exterior, you're lucky if you break it open and see the inside. I've been hurt by people that I consider very close to me (though I don't think the feeling is mutual). I've gotten so used to that hurt from trusting people, that I've closed back in on myself. I want to feel the human touch again, that warmth of someone who cares.

1 comment:

Goddess said...

I feel as if I should be the one to point out that you're saying "character flaw" ....as if ya only have one. LOL;)