Sunday, August 30, 2009

Why bother?

My parents are giant hypocrites. They always say that I shouldn't take more than a 5 minute shower because it wastes water. This morning I was about to go down to do my laundry (I use their laundry room because I live on the 3rd floor of their house), the shower is in the laundry room, I'm about to go downstairs and I hear the water running. I wait about 5 minutes (one song on Windows Media Player) and go back and still hear the water running, I went back after another song, and the water shuts off. I decide to give them a little more time to get dressed, the next time I go back I hear the water running again. I know I'm going to have to wait another 10 minutes for the 2nd shower. At least when Kevin and I have to both take a shower, we take it together and save water. What's so wrong with that? It's not like they don't have enough room, their shower is at least twice as big as mine if not more. A couple weeks ago, I went down to do my laundry and my dad was in the shower, mom said go ahead and put your clothes in the washer, now I know there's a door on the shower but I still don't want to worry about looking at anything. And last week when I went down, Ross was in the shower and mom wanted to know what I was waiting for, as if she was in some kind of hurry.
I don't know why she would care how long it would take me, it's not like she was going to use the washer. Though they have done that before, they say I need to ask them 8 hours ahead, I always do, but sometimes I'll come down and they have laundry in the washer, or like last week, in the dryer. What's the point of me asking, if you're just gonna do your laundry anyway?

I just went down to put my laundry in and the dryer was running and there was a load of wet laundry in the washer. I gave them all day yesterday to do their laundry and the decided they needed to do some this morning. I highly doubt anything became that dirty during the night, but if it did, they're always up earlier than me, what stopped them from doing it earlier? It's so annoying that I follow their rules but they can just fuck me over when they want to do something. Maybe their point is to annoy me enough to move out, push me to get a full time job, as if I'm not looking anyway. Somedays I just want to.........something I'm not going to say on here, because someone will take it seriously.

Friday, August 28, 2009

So tired

If you need a good laugh, go here.

I've been working full-time at a temp job the past two weeks and will continue until the end of next week. Plus I've been going to the games store as usual, and I had training at the hilton job and a volleyball match last Saturday. So, I've been very short on time. Basically, my day is get up, eat breakfast, check only my email (usually I read blogs in the morning), make my lunch, pack my bag for the day, catch the bus, get off at work, work for a few hours, have a break and eat a yogurt, work some more, eat half of my sandwich and chips, work some more, eat my pretzels, work some more, clock out of that job for the day, go catch the bus, get off at my other job, eat the rest of my lunch and zone out for about 30 minutes, work at my other job, clock out, walk home by way of the grocery store, have about an hour to watch TV, read mail and blogs, and then go to bed.
It's been that for the past 2 weeks. Next week, I'm taking cookies for dessert and somehow making my lunch more exciting. I'm so tired at the end of the day, I usually fall asleep on the couch and don't know what happened in the last 30 minutes of the show I'm watching. Then I wake up, generally around 10 and head off to bed. I've been waking up naturally around 6AM lately and getting up then, I've noticed I'm more awake in the mornings.

Other than working, I really don't have much to say. This weekend I have to mow the lawn, do my laundry, go grocery shopping, and go to Walmart for more guinea pig bedding. And somewhere in there I'm going to try and work on my ATCs for my collage group for the August swap and clean my apartment. I am a huge slob, basically because I'm lazy. Kevin has been hinting pretty strongly lately how much it bothers him. So, I thought it might be a nice surprise for him when he has Labor Day off next weekend to have my apartment WAY cleaner, and I'm planning on working on keeping it cleaner as well. If I got in to the habit of throwing stuff away instead of leaving it on the floor my apartment would be probably 80% better, I also need to get in the habit of putting things away and doing my dishes more often.
I am so ready to fall asleep right now and I have an hour and 45 minutes left to work.

Friday, August 14, 2009

I can't help it

I can't help it. When he tells me he has to work Sunday again, I catch my breath and feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I want to cry for the next hour, but I can't because I'm at work. I want to revert back to destructive habits, but I can't because they take too long to heal. I want to get drunk, but I can't because it costs money that I don't have. I'd love to have the tears rolling down my cheeks on my walk home, then I won't care who sees them but I will hope someone sees them and cares, but no one will. By the time I get to close the store and walk home I'll still be hurting (that will last all weekend), but the tears will have passed until later at night when I'm crawling into bed to cuddle the frogs he's given me, then I will bawl until I fall asleep.
I know it bothers him too, he had to work last Sunday night he hasn't had a day off in 12 days and he won't have one for at least 20 days. He is very tired and it seems he never gets to sleep extra.
It always seems to be the weekends I actually have something planned for Monday. I wanted to go to the State Fair, because that would be the only time either one of us would be able to go, but I knew in the back of my mind it wasn't going to happen. You can't have a life when your significant other/spouse works there. They don't have a choice when they work, they're lucky if they only get a 6 day week, and 11 hours a night. Lately that hasn't happened, he's had 7 day weeks and more than 12 hour nights to work. The company doesn't care whether their workers are happy or not, they have so much money that if someone gets fired or leaves, they can just hire another worker without much effort. They pay enough to deter their workers from looking for other jobs or they just work them too much, so the only free time they have they sleep.
I can't cry at work, but the tears drip down my cheeks anyway. I can't help it.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Underneath this Amarillo Sky

Reading one of the blogs I follow got me thinking on something today. The author talks about how his wife and he talked to his daughter about sex.
Kevin and I were discussing a few things the other day, one them being how my parents never talked to me about anything serious. I never recall my mother talking about relationships with guys, periods or other stuff that goes on with a girl's body as she gets older, sex, not even a simple thing as credit cards and dealing with money.
I was telling Kevin how, when I was around 11 or 12, my mother gave me a book called What's Happening to my Body Book for Girls, that was written the year I was born. The day I got my period, I asked her what it meant, she told me to go get some pads out of the bathroom closet, and I think we went out to dinner that night. Outside of school sessions and health class I never learned any of that stuff. I don't understand why (OK I do, but I don't agree) getting your first period is so exciting and wonderful. My parents never talked to me about relationships with guys. Granted I never went out to do anything in middle school or high school, OK there were a couple times my senior year when I snuck out close to 11PM, but it was only to watch the cops at shift change. I was never encouraged to wear cute clothes. Everything I wore in middle and high school consisted of jeans and medium t-shirts and none of those form fitting t-shirts. I don't think I really started wearing cute clothes (or at least ones that showed my figure) until my sophomore year of college, when I moved out from under their roof. I know I wore a pretty cute summer dress for my high school graduation (which I can still fit in to today), but beyond that I didn't wear any cute dresses. Kevin was saying maybe it was because I didn't show an interest in them, but when you're not encouraged to wear anything like that, even dresses my mother bought me, were more like shapes that she would wear, she's just now beginning to buy me cute clothes (when she buys me clothes). When that's all you know to wear, I think it's kinda hard to be interested. I guess I sorta started branching out my senior year, for Winter Formal that year (dance), I wore a velvet skirt that had slits up both sides to my hips. I love that skirt, wish I had something to wear it to now. My senior prom dress was kinda like a Cinderella dress, not a very full skirt, it was periwinkle and laced up in the back. I loved that dress too.
I've never been in a reltionship until I started dating Kevin, and that was a lot to get used to. I had a few crushes throughout my school years, but nothing beyond staring at and wishing. I do find it pretty cool, that the first time I saw Kevin, I thought I'd love to date that guy. When we got further in our relationship, my mother dropped off an ad for planned parenthood, that's as close as she's ever gotten to talking about sex with me.
And the money thing, my parents never really talked about money. I do recall when I was pretty young and delivered papers (I started in 2nd grade), my dad saying every other paycheck had to be deposited. And then as I got older I was expected to pay for certain things. They never talked to me about credit cards. I got my first credit card sometime in my 2nd year of college, by filling out one of those things you get in the mail. I figured it was time I had my own (my parents gave me one in my name of their account for emergencies and paying for books), and thought I'd fill it out, what was the worst that could happen, they could turn me down and I wouldn't be any worse off. When I was pondering it, the only advice I got was from my roommate at the time, who told me she always made sure she had money in her bank account to cover whatever she wanted to charge.
Kevin mentioned that maybe my mom wanted another boy since she never talked about anything girly with me, not even makeup or how to wear my hair. I had short hair (around my ears or above) until middle school, when one of my friends had long hair and I decided to grow it out. I was never encouraged to dress up in high heels, (my mom didn't own any) or makeup (she also had very little of that) when I was young. I was given Barbies and dolls, and dress up clothes, but she never really encouraged me outside of those things. Looking through my old toys a few weeks ago as we were cleaning for the garage sale, lots of the things I had somewhat paralleled what my brother had. We both had small animals we played with mixing them with our legos and model/diecast cars. We both had K'nex when they came out, my favorite to build was the off-road jeep/vehicle. I loved getting the 1/24 scale cars at the toy store. I loved climbing trees and jumping off the playground equipment at school.
It makes me wonder if that's why I'm always so intrigued about the little girls in the store I work at and how recently I've been thinking if I had kids I want a little girl. Not to totally enamour in pink or girly stuff, but to just experience being a little girl again.

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

There goes my hero, watch him as he goes

Some people will do anything to get out of things.
I recently learned a friend of mine had to retire early from the police department because some woman hit him while he was directing traffic during RAGBRAI last year. She's claiming post traumatic stress disorder from an incident with the police here in 2006. I think that's a load of crap.
I'm very bummed that my friend had to retire, he's one of the ones that loved his job and would have worked it until forced retirement. And, unfortunately, now he has been, but way too early in his career.

"I truly love my job, and so it's very hard to just come to this realization that I can't do this anymore," Schultz said. "It wasn't something where I was going to a call that I know there might be a rist of injury. This never should have had to happend."

Officer hit by car during RAGBRAI retires
Ames Officer talks about RAGBRAI crash
Taylor breaks down; judge declares mistrial
Norma Taylor judged incompetent to stand trial

Any police officers read this have any comments?

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

It has been a long week. Every day I got up and worked on garage sale stuff. And apparently standing for 6 + hours on concrete in flip flops doesn't make your feet happy. They still hurt, especially since I spent all day walking around Adventureland on Sunday.
It turned out to be a good garage sale, we made well over $300. Originally, my dad had said if I organized a garage sale, I could have all the profits. Well, mom decided that since she helped out so much, she needed a cut. I don't think she helped out a ton, she seemed to be complaining more than helping out, oh well, I still got a nice chunk of change. I want to go and spend it on something huge and cool, but I'll probably just end up sitting on it in the bank. I deposited it yesterday. I needed to get it out of the house, so I didn't spend it. I was thinking of transferring some of it to paypal so I could spend it at Etsy, but I don't think I'm going to spend it there either. I am going to transfer some though, I found some cute Monoply board coasters, that I think my brother might get a kick out of. His birthday's coming up in September and it would be nice to get the present out of the way, he's a hard guy to buy for anyway. I know what he likes, but he usually wants stuff that's kind of expensive.

Sunday, Kevin and I went to Adventureland. Every year the mine does this nice thing for their workers, just for fun. We met up with one of his co-workers and his wife and pretty much wandered around with them all day, it was pretty fun. Somehow Kevin managed to spend $20 or so that day, I haven't quite figured out how yet. I guess combining the food/drink he got and the games we played, it kinda eats it up. I did get some cute stuffed animals though. We were riding the train and someone walked by with a giant banana (it was probably 4 or 5 feet tall) and one lady said "what are you going to do with a giant banana", Kevin and I laughed and I whispered to him "what are you going to do with all the other stuff you get here?" Like anything's really gonna be done with anything you get that you're not gonna eat. We went to Kokomo Cove this year, but I remembered how mean the kids were last year, and I really just wanted to go swimming, not wandering through the water slides. I sat on the chairs and soaked up a little sun, Kevin went on a water slide, he said he had more fun last year, he kept saying because it was hotter last year but I know part of it was because I wasn't enjoying it with him. Kids are so mean when they don't have anyone to tell them no, when you have giant waterguns and buckets of water that you can just throw on people, they do whatever the hell they want to, I just didn't want to deal with it this year. It would be way better if there was a pool.
I also got up the courage to try a roller coaster this year, I went on the Outlaw, their wooden one. After we got on it, Kevin said he remembered it was the one with the most bumps and turns and stuff, guess I picked the wrong one huh? I didn't like, granted I didn't get sick, but all those quick turns, ups and downs, and bumps didn't help me any. But, at least I can say that I know I don't like roller coasters. When I was little, I went on a mini one at Arnold's Park, and I got sick on that one, so I'd been using that excuse ever since. But, Kevin was so bummed last year when we got up to the roller coaster and I chickened out at the last minute I thought I'd try one this year.

On the 18th of August, I start back at the University Bookstore, I'm looking forward to that. This year I'm working 3 weeks. I can't wait, we're generally pretty busy the week before classes start (the 17th through the 23rd), I don't think the week of classes will be too bad (24th through the 30th), I think it's busier than winter RUSH because any new students are most likely going to start at the new year rather than half year. I'm not quite sure what the last week will be like (31st through the 4th), In January, we started getting slow at the end of the 2nd week, I bounced around and helped in textbooks, because I wanted to keep busy. It's pretty boring if you can't keep busy, but you deal. I just keep thinking I have to save all my money for Hawaii. Add the money from the garage sale and then what I get at the bookstore, and money from events at Hilton until I have to leave, I should have a nice chunk of savings to take with me. Hopefully I won't spend it all, I'm hoping I'll be pretty smart with my money, though I love getting souveneirs at places, and I don't know if certain food will be extra on the boat or not. If I stick to my water routine, I should save money there, but I'm gonna be on vacation, it'll be some hard choices. Hopefully, I won't have some emergency that I'll need the money for between now and hawaii, but if I do, I'll have extra money. I feel so much better when I have a nice buffer in the bank in case something happens. I've always been a big believer in having things even if you don't need them at the moment.

This week, I have to make it to the post office today and get my hair cut, I have an event on Thurs at Hilton, and hopefully on Friday I get to get together with my friend, Loretta, and her puppies and have a picnic. I'm really looking forward to that, I haven't seen them since the middle of July.

My hair cut is one of my extra spendings. My hair is so full of split ends, the place my mom always took me costs $20 per haircut, but you get used to a certain person cutting your hair. Anyways, I was thinking last night as I was picking off my split ends, that I should wander over to Great Clips and get it trimmed, then I thought, now that I have a little extra money I can afford the more expensive place, so maybe I'll just go there. I'm not getting anything drastic, no new hair style, just a nice trim. As many split ends as I have, I'm thinking she's taking at least 3 inches off, so it'll be a little different. It always feels like a new start when I have quite a bit taken off at a haircut, course I usually wait a while for my haircuts, so it's always a new start. Someday I think I will get a new hairstyle, but I'd have to research and really think about it. Sometimes waiting the 2 hours to have my hair dry is a little annoying (I don't have or like hair dryers), and after being outside in the wind it tangles easily (course part of that could be the split ends). I did get a layered look one time, but it grew out and I didn't get it again, I also grew out my bangs awhile ago, that was the best decision in hair other than growing my hair long that I made. I just wish I knew more things to do with my hair that didn't take a lot of effort, I am basically a get up, brush it, and throw it in a pony tail kinda girl. If I take a shower in the middle of the day, I usually french braid it, just so it's not so messy the whole time it dries, and I get the cute little crinkles the next day. I also wish there was a way to enhance the subtle wave I have. I've found out if I take a shower at night and then sleep on it, it really shows, but I haven't found any other way to coax it out.
Now that I've rambled enough, maybe I'll get dressed and meander over to the post office.