Thursday, April 12, 2007

Ice shouldn't burn

Some times I don't even know why I bother. A little while ago I complained because one of the blogs I read dropped me off their links list, well now a comment I left seems to have mysteriously disappeared.
I have a big heart and I don't have a boyfriend, so I care more about my friends (nothing that goes over the line, but I do care if they have shit in their life that upsets them). I'm so sick of people using that against me. First it was the soldier that needed someone to talk to in Kuwait, who decided to ignore me once he got back. Then it's the biker that says he needs a friendly chick to help out his girlfriend, but once I give him advice and I'm guessing he didn't like it, he stopped communication, and the thing with the guy I'm hanging out with lately (ok, I haven't really figured that out yet), and of course online 'friends'. I put that in quotes because we all know people online may or may not be what they say they are. That's the beauty of online. In all the people I've chatted with online (and my blog) I've been truthful. OK, there has been the occasional time when I was pissed that people in chat rooms would IM me about sex, but those are few and far between (mostly because I've stopped going in chat rooms).
I've gotten used to so much shit (people dropping off talking to me, people not keeping their promises), maybe I shouldn't care anymore. I'm just sick of people being asses.

I've been really depressed lately, I think it's because I have nothing to do all day, my parents keep harping on my about my lack of a job, and I don't have anyone to hang out with (all my friends are either not here, or in classes. I'm not complaining about that, classes should come first). Plus it's been cold. When it's warm I go out for a walk, and that brightens me up. So, when I'm stuck at home all day....and the lack of money for food doesn't help. I got paid $14.60 the other day for 2 hours of work a couple weeks ago, that didn't even cover my electric bill. It sucks. My parents think I don't care and that I'm just having fun all day, but I get reminded every time I have to write a check or buy something that I don't have money or a job. Like I need them to rub it in a little more. If I had the money I would be so far away from them. I know I say that all the time, but I really mean it. I'm so sick of them in my life.
I was laughing at myself the other day. I got $10 in the mail and I was excited, that's when you know you're poor. I had to give the gov $56 for my taxes (my dad always said I shouldn't put exact money stuff up here, but I really don't see how it can be against me and I don't give a damn), and I couldn't afford that, my dad paid it. It's nice how I can weasel shit out of him, mom is nice every once in awhile, but I never hold my breath on it.
Speaking of mom and money, she was complaining the other day on the look of my jeans. These are my favorite jeans, well I wore them when I was painting the trim for the bathroom and they have paint splotches on them. Personally I like them, they give them more character. She was complaining that I didn't have any nice jeans. I actually do, I just never wear them, cause I don't have a need for nice jeans. That's the beauty of jeans you can wear them, shit happens to them and they get character. I wear the hell out of my jeans before I get new ones (half of that because they cost too damn much).
I've been on the no money for food diet. I could never be on a real diet, I hate not being able to eat what I want when I want to. I don't know how people do it. Of course, I've been blessed with a great metabolism. Seems like all I eat is junk food, and I'm at my heaviest weight right now (130 pounds). Course when it's warm I go on walks, I know that helps, considering they're about 2 miles long.
And, I'm rambling, sorry people


Tam said...

"Some times I don't even know why I bother. A little while ago I complained because one of the blogs I read dropped me off their links list,"

I decided long back to look at it like this: I link who I read a lot. I also link who I feel like. I assume everyone else does the same. That way, if someone doesn't link me or de-links me, no hard feelings and we both just drive on. :)

WW said...

That makes sense. Now I've kinda looked at it like that, I think mainly because I'm used to people fucking me over, and it's really not worth the stress on me to get worked up about stuff I can't change.
Thanks for stopping by.