Thursday, November 23, 2006

every time I hear your name

So, I think Goddess is right. I think the reason I'm so obnoxiously bummed about not having a boyfriend is because I'm freaked/scared about the future/the unknown. And it kinda hit me tonight (about 20 minutes ago, actually), I spent the whole day with my family (and now knowing how much effort that took, there's no way I could go on vacation with them, even for a few days) My mom asked if I had scheduled my physical so I could have one before my insurance ran out, and that upset me so much. Maybe, it’s just cause I thought with it being Thanksgiving and all we could not talk about that. But, I should have known better, my mom figures out somehow to bother me with questions about shit after graduation. Well I got pissed a little while after (actually I was fighting back tears cause I was pissed then), cause I didn’t wanna watch all the normal shit they usually watch. Cause apparently we can’t tape this crap and watch something else, no we have to watch the same boring stuff as always. Anyway, I got pissed left, and of course slammed the door (cause it’s not a good exit if you can’t), then I collapsed on my stairs and just cried.
And I just wish I had someone to run to that would give me a hug. I know I’m freaked about the future, as much as I try to hide it. And I think the one thing that would help (I don’t really know, cause I’ve never had one) is a boyfriend, or just a guy that I could run to who would give me a hug. That’s all I want, someone to wrap me up in his arms and tell me everything’s going to be OK. I don’t care if it’s a lie. I just want loving arms around me. I’ve never had that. Like right now, I’m mad and I’m sad, and I’m typing this through tears, and it would just be nice to have someone wrap their arms around me and tell me it’s going to be ok. You'd think it was a hard request.

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