Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Whether I stay, whether I go, depends on whatever you say

*NOTE* Pity post for me, don't read if you're already in a bad mood.

I am so sick of snow, I want to go back to Hawaii where it's warm and brightly colored and warm and not snowy.
I hate shoveling snow, it feels like I've been doing it every day for the past week.
My arms hurt, and I'm very sore.
I hate change, I hate the fact that my boyfriend has a job where he works usually 7 days a week, or like now he's on layoff and decides he needs to go home for a month. I've seen him maybe 4 days total in the last month, because there's nothing for him to do here except hang out with me and I guess that's just not fun enough.
I want flowers or candy or even a night out to a nice restaurant and a movie. Instead I get to cuddle with a giant stuffed frog in front of my TV.
I hate growing up, I loved high school: all I had to do was get up and go to school, I didn't have to worry about paying my own bills or making enough money to live.
I hate that I have over $1000 in medical bills to pay right now, which isn't a ton by any standards, but it's more than I can afford.
I hate where my mind wanders too all the time and the fact that it always puts me down when I mess up in any way.
I hate that I suck at making friends and that I don't have any close friends to chat with here in town.
I hate that I'm in a bad mood and don't really have any outlet for it.


Linda said...

I'm sorry if I'm going sound like a Mom now, But Cut yourself some slack.You are a good person. You are obviously tired(from Physical shovelling snow,) and emoitional from missing your boyfriend. Every woman out there goes to the shops to get one thing and comes back with upteen others,(we probably didnt need) the shops are all geared up to suck us in,with buy one get one get one half price type deals and the like.
We all have trouble to some degree making real friends, when we are younger especially,(people just don't admit to it) the only ones that don't are probably social butterflies, and they aren't making any 'real' friends.
Its tough you don't have anyone to sit and share and chat with though, until you find some, which I'm sure you will, treat yourself well,mentally, dont beat yourself up about things you can't change. If you bought things you don't need, make sure you use them, make something and freeze for later if its possible on the food front.
That will give you more time with your boyfriend when hes at home. Wear what ever you bought clothes wise, now, and don't keep anything for best, it just stays in the closet waiting for that best whatever, and just goes out of fashion.:)
Pamper your body a bit, give your hair a oil treat, leave the conditioner in with a hot towell wrapped round, soak in the bath if you have one, do yourself a home manicure and pedicure, sounds simple but it does perk you up a bit.
Don't watch weepy,romantic films, not while you feel like this, and not creepy ones either, if its gonna spook you being by yourself, comedys or cartoon only OK.
Hope you feel more upbeat soon, The snow will soon melt, and spring and sunshine is coming.
Smile even if you don't feel it it tricks your brain into thinking your happy!!
Check out some arty blogs and give your self a project, pick something you will enjoy and look forward to working on.
Shopping, if you really want to get disciplined make a shopping list, and stick to it, this is really hard though, I never quite manage it as often as I would like too, but it does help...
Take care

WW said...

Actually, my mom would never give me advice like that, so thank you very much. And also thank you for reading my pity party for myself. I find that by listening to my music and getting immersed in my artwork (2 things I haven't done in awhile) always put me back in a good mood.
Though I did just buy myself some more art supplies (also stuff I don't need, but have a hard time saying no to myself), so I'll be in a really good mood when they get here. I'll even post what I do with them for you all to see.
Once again, Linda, thank you for your nice comment.

Linda said...

I can see by your H post above why you would like to return to the sunshine, I love it when I get new art supplies. Be good to yourself, and Take care. Linda:)