randomness

I've noticed lately, I'm becoming more girly. I believe it's because of a mix of Kevin telling me I look hot in certain things and me having more confidence in myself.
I have been buying more cute/sexy lingerie, and saying I'm buying it for Kevin, but I feel so hot and in a great mood when I wear it. I was JCPenney's yesterday and picked up a cute baby doll/thong sleepwear set. Kevin at the moment is at his parents home, but I told myself it was an extension of his birthday gift. I tried it on last night, and it put me in a really good mood, I looked pretty damn good in it too.
Also, while I was in HI, I kept saying how certain dresses and skirts I saw in store windows were really cute. I even bought myself a couple, and I really like how I look in them. I feel really girly.
And today, I think this is a huge step, I bought myself this wallet. OK, this isn't just one I can stick in my back pocket, this is one that I have to carry in a purse.
My wallet that I carry in my pants pocket, is way too big, now that I re-stuffed it with all my essentials after getting back from vacation. It's way too packed full, and kinda makes my butt go numb when I sit on it. Not a nice combination. I have been eyeing this wallet on Etsy for awhile now, and considered it when I bought the one I have now. I told myself when I had the money I'd get it. Well, when I had the money I kept telling myself I didn't want to be dependant on a purse. I still don't, but with all the extra stuff I carry around (sunglasses on sunny days, my calendar, my checkbook, and at times my camera), it's way too much to shove in my pants and coat pockets.
I also got a pretty cute bag from Glamour when I renewed my magazine subscription with them, only problem: it's got one huge pocket and no closure. I'm looking into sewing (obviously not professionally) a zipper into it, I figure, as long as I put a black zipper in with black thread, it shouldn't look too bad. I had bags with no closure.

I've watched a few good movies lately. My parents got me G-Force for Christmas, the real reason I wanted it, was because it had guinea pigs in it. I finally watched it the other day (sometime last week), and I really liked it. Sure some of the scenes where the government is chasing in their SUVs guinea pigs in guinea pig balls aren't really realistic, but how realistic do you think you're going to get with talking guinea pigs as government agents?
I also watched X-Men Origins: Wolverine, that's also pretty good. The only thing I really didn't like, is when Logan is looking at his "claws" in the mirror at the old couple's house, they look really fake. You can very well tell in that scene that they're CGI'ed in. I loved the story line and the new mutants they introduced. It was also nice that Logan's loss of memory was explained, though it was hard accepting him having a normal life and a woman he loved.
I watched Monsters Vs Aliens as well, that one wasn't as good. It was still good, but with all the previews, you knew what was going to happen for about half the movie.

Some days you wanna go...

So, I figured out my element, the place I really feel like I belong. Kinda like in Cheers, "Where everybody knows your name, and they're always glad you came. You wanna be where you can see, our troubles are all the same You wanna be where everybody knows Your name." only, not everybody knows my name, they can tell that I belong there. This past August when I went to the biker bar in DM, Porky's and then we rode to Trophies afterward, and then The Jungle Room after that. Most or all the people at those bars were bikers, and everyone I ran into could tell I belonged there, that I was a biker.
Anyways, I was just thinking about that because on Saturday I graduate college/the Univ, and my friends and I are going out to eat (yes, it's changed, it was supposed to be, we were going out for drinks, but then I realized all the other graduates plus normal bar-goers would be at the bars, and I don't like crowds, that's why I don't go to bars in the first place, so I decided it would be more fun, for me, if we went out to eat at a place that served drinks), and then I was thinking about August, and if we had a biker bar here, that would be the perfect place to go. Alas, we do not, and I don't know where to go. It would be nice to go to DM, but that's about a 40 min drive from here, and I'm guessing, we're gonna be tired at the end of the night.

I was also thinking that my favorite all time outfit is blue jeans, barefoot, tank top, and hair down. In yahoo, my avatar is sooo me. I don't think you could get it any more me. It's a chick (obviously) red shoulder-length hair, white tank top, blue jeans, boots (cause these avatars don't have a choice for barefoot), in front of a biker bar, with a wolf beside her, green eyes, glasses. Now how funny/wierd is that, I can make any avatar I want, and I stick glasses on her. As much as I hate my face, I love my glasses. Oops, I forgot, it doesn't have ink, that's how you could make it more me. Cause I love my ink, I want more, but due to circumstances, can't have any more at the moment.

Yeah, I know it's short, but that's what I was thinking about today, and I thought I'd share it with y'all. Whether or not you care

every time I hear your name

So, I think Goddess is right. I think the reason I'm so obnoxiously bummed about not having a boyfriend is because I'm freaked/scared about the future/the unknown. And it kinda hit me tonight (about 20 minutes ago, actually), I spent the whole day with my family (and now knowing how much effort that took, there's no way I could go on vacation with them, even for a few days) My mom asked if I had scheduled my physical so I could have one before my insurance ran out, and that upset me so much. Maybe, it’s just cause I thought with it being Thanksgiving and all we could not talk about that. But, I should have known better, my mom figures out somehow to bother me with questions about shit after graduation. Well I got pissed a little while after (actually I was fighting back tears cause I was pissed then), cause I didn’t wanna watch all the normal shit they usually watch. Cause apparently we can’t tape this crap and watch something else, no we have to watch the same boring stuff as always. Anyway, I got pissed left, and of course slammed the door (cause it’s not a good exit if you can’t), then I collapsed on my stairs and just cried.
And I just wish I had someone to run to that would give me a hug. I know I’m freaked about the future, as much as I try to hide it. And I think the one thing that would help (I don’t really know, cause I’ve never had one) is a boyfriend, or just a guy that I could run to who would give me a hug. That’s all I want, someone to wrap me up in his arms and tell me everything’s going to be OK. I don’t care if it’s a lie. I just want loving arms around me. I’ve never had that. Like right now, I’m mad and I’m sad, and I’m typing this through tears, and it would just be nice to have someone wrap their arms around me and tell me it’s going to be ok. You'd think it was a hard request.

Sunshine on the bridge

The one thing in this whole world I want I can't have. And I hate my parents and everyone else in the world for it. That's the reason I don't believe in God. The one easy thing it/he could give me, that would make me and the rest of the people in this world happier, and I don't get it. Someday, someone's gonna wave it in my face and I'm gonna grab it, and you all can read about it in the newspaper.

shut your mouth and fight me

And once again, I complain on the lack of fun clothes I have. Course it doesn't help that I'm tiny and I get extremely cold easily (maybe if I had some guy to keep me warm...). I wanted something cool (neat) to wear today that was warm, I didn't come up with anything. It sucks, even clothes I had back in middle school fit me, cause I haven't grown (at least not up top). And if I had money, I could buy something cool to wear, but all my money goes to food and bills (I have less than $200 in the bank, and it's leaving quickly).

In the Walmart parking lot

I figured it out. If you've been reading me lately (actually not lately but I have touched on this topic before), I'm very annoyed with being single. That and I've never had a boyfriend in my lifetime (I did have a first love, but I'm not quite sure now if it was love or lust, and he moved away). So I figured out this morning why no guys want to go out with me. I'm a boring person. I decided this while I was getting dressed, I really don't have anything exciting to wear. I don't have wild hair, all I wear is jeans and T-shirts most days, now that's its getting colder, I put sweatshirts on top, not that they help flatter me. But, I don't have much to show off, I am part of the breed of women who is tall and flat, as in my breasts are very small. I did have someone tell me once I have nice long legs, but since it takes awhile to shave them, I usually don't, and that's why I wear long pants (even in the 100+ degree heat we get in the summer). I have glasses, though they aren't really ugly ones, I happen to like my glasses (which is part of the reason I don't get contacts, the other part being I don't really feel comfortable sticking my hand in my eye to put them on, course I've never done it, I'd probably get used to it after awhile). And as much as my friends will deny it, I do have a tiny flab of stomach when I slouch (which is most of the time). Because I am tall (maybe not, but it sounds good), I'm skinny, I'm about 5'8" 120 pounds. If I had a pic I'd post it, I'm not a big fan of having my pic taken (that could be cause my mom's a freak with a camera). So by looking at me, I'm not exciting. And I'm a firm believer in that if anyone says they don't pay attention to looks, they're lying, cause something has to catch your eye in order for you to become interested in someone.
Now, if we're going below physical looks and into interests, I guess you could call me interesting. I love Marines, the military, and cops, in that order. I am a big sucker for guys in uniform. If you view my Hello guys site much, you know I mostly post pics of guys in military uniform. If I ever see a guy in Marine dress blues in person, I would probably melt. And if anyone disses my military or the cops in my town, you better not be near me, cause I will not be able to control myself. Just keep those feelings to yourself.
I love cars, if you view my Sweet Rides site, you know that as well. Mostly cars from the mid- to late 60's, and some early 70's. I am so sick of meeting guys that don't like cars, or don't know the differences between cars. It's not that hard, they don't all look the same, yes, some are similar, but... Or I meet the guys that are partial to one make so they have to like whatever sportscar that make puts out. Like the guy I went out with at the end of June, told me he was a Chevy guy, so he had to like the corvette. Yes, the corvette stingray, is my all-time favorite car, but I do like to look at other ones as well, I will not wrinkle my nose because I see a late 60's Ford Mustang on the street, just cause it's not a Chevy.
I love bikes too, for all of you that don't know, those would be motorcycles, if you didn't know that until now, don't even bother asking me out. I love to go on rides and will go on as many as I am able UNLESS its a crotchrocket. Now, it's not just cause it's a crotchrocket (and if I have to explain a crotchrocket to you, like I said, don't bother), it's cause all the people I've met that ride/like crotchrockets are into them for the speed. Yeah its nice to go fast every once in awhile, but just cause something goes fast doesn't mean you have to push it to it's limit. I would be more happy with a nice cruiser (again, I'm not explaining) out in the back roads of Iowa enjoying the scenery, than whipping through a town, or the interstate/highway on a crotchrocket. Also, one other thing, I really don't care if you wear a helmet, but if you have one and it's hanging off the back of your bike while you're riding, don't bother. I have my own, and I will wear it on all the rides I can, I'm pretty partial to it, not that I won't ride without it (if I can't go home and get it, and you're offering me a ride, I'm going on that ride), but I'd rather have it, I find it hard to keep my eyes open when we're out in the country with the wind. One other thing I love about some bikes are the paint jobs, some bikes have the most intricate designs on their gas tanks (also other places, mostly gas tanks though). I love flames, I'll explain below.
I also love planes, not passenger planes, fighter planes (something else you'll see on Sweet Rides), like the F-18, F-16, or the Stealth, I also like some of the fighter helo's such as the Apache, and Cobra. I enjoy aircraft carriers and sailboats as well.
I like tattoos as well. Not the ones that completely cover someone. No, I like detailed ones but I also love tribal. Not names, personally I think that's one of the biggest mistakes that people get in tattoos, how do you know you're gonna love that person for the rest of your life? Though if you explain its a kids name, that makes sense, no lovers though. I have 3 tattoos. Double W's on my right front hip, a tribal flame armband on my upper right arm, and an outline of a panther on my left forearm. These all are very close to my heart, I would never (and I give this advice to friends) get something that I haven't thought long and hard about, that's just stupid, if you got something cause everyone else did. Stupid reason. If you got something just cause it's your school mascot, stupid reason. The only time that would be OK is if you liked it before you went to that school, during your time there, even though it was the mascot, and will like it for the rest of your life. My W's are my initials, they are what I sign my artwork and my poetry with, and if you look on my motorcycle helmet, I carved them in there too. I love flames, painted on most anything (kinda weird cause I'm not too partial about the real thing). Cars, trucks, bikes, etc with flames makes them at least 10% better. And the cat, I love the cat. Cats (certain larger ones) are soo powerful, aggressive, and yet still look so graceful when they move. The way their shoulders move when they're walking along the ground.
I'm a huge fan of action movies. I've decided (and mentioned here) that 80% of my movies are action movies. I may have one or 2 comedies, I have a bunch of Disney movies (mostly cause I took them from my parents when I moved out) and quite a few fantasy movies. I'm a big fan of fantasy. I have all 5 seasons of Angel on DVD, I have the Labyrinth . Plus I love fantasy books, I have pretty much the whole set of Xanth books by Piers Anthony, I believe it's around 20 books if not more. I have read The Chronicles of Narnia, unfortunately I haven't seen the movie yet. I also love His Dark Materials trilogy by Phillip Pullman, which I found out is becoming a movie (while searching for a website for you all), I'm so excited I was mentioning to a few people the other day that this is the fantasy series I would love to see in a movie, and with all the stuff they can do nowadays, it might turn out good. As we all know, it's much better in our imaginations. Mostly I'm a fan of they mythical fantasy worlds. But NOT Harry Potter.
I have hinted a little bit at my art and poetry, but I'm not gonna share everything with y'all. Otherwise what would be the point?

Or the other thing could be cause I'm too available, my social psych teacher touched on that today.

His old man was a rebel yeller

I've decided I am a seriously disturbed person. Cause some of the things that turn me on.

Firemountain

So, I watched Crash tonight. Interesting movie, basically they play off of every single stereotype anyone has had about African Americans, Mexicans, Latinos, people with tattoos, there's another nationality, but I don't wanna screw it up and say it's something else, but in the movie they're called Arabs, or Iraqis. And then a couple people turn around and take a different view on a certain nationality that they didn't have, or was in the back of their mind. So, interesting movie.
And, yes I will say it, I am racist, I haven't met or come into contact with an Asian that I've particularly liked, though I don't wonder if they speak English or not. As far as I know I don't have any feelings one way or the other with Mexicans or Spanish speaking people, my boss speaks Spanish and I'm not entirely sure of her nationality, but I'm guessing it's S. America, but I don't have any problem with them. And I think Black guys are hot, I also think Black women are more beautiful than white women. As far as the rest of the nationalities, I don't think I have a problem with them, but I haven't really run into that many, I know I don't blame the people here in the US, that look like they're from the Middle East for 9/11, I do know I love English and Australian accents.
And, am I wrong for feeling this way: Everytime I watch a movie with my dad, I always end up explaining stuff to him, because even though the TV is at least 27", he still can't really tell the different actors/actresses apart, and then his hearing is failing, so I have to explain it again, and louder. I know his eyesight is bad, it has been for awhile, and it only gets worse, so he uses a cane (think white cane for blind people) when he's out and about, he can't see that well when it's extremely sunny, or dark. He's got a special thing that magnifies stuff so he can read it. I just get so annoyed when I have to explain things to him, and I do feel bad about feeling annoyed, but not so much that I don't feel annoyed, if that makes any sense whatsoever.
I've decided my mother's become hypocritcal in her older age. My neighbors were having a garage sale today, so they stuck a sign in the corner parkway of our house. Now, I got pissed about that, because as I've learned from my mother, the city owns the parkways, and we (the landowners/people who do the upkeep on them, are not to put anything in them, kinda like you're not supposed to put anything on telephone poles cause that's defacing public property), so I took it out, I also had to mow the lawn anyways, so it was gonna come out either way. But, as I was telling mother this, she proceeded to say that I should put it back in when I was done, as that's not something I need to wage a war over with my neighbors. Now, back when she was on council, she would get so annoyed with people who stuck stuff in parkways, that I remember one time, where she stopped at a stop sign, got out of the car, and pulled a sign out because it was in the parkway. So, obviously when people put stuff in parkways it annoys me, now I don't go out of the way to pull it out unless it's in my parkway. Oh, and later when I was mowing another part of the lawn, I watched the guy come over, and proceed to pound the sign back in the ground, right in front of me, he knew I was there. But, it's ok, now that mom's not on the council. Excuse me? Oh, and if this is a karma thing: FUCK KARMA! Karma knows what I want when it comes back around, so we're on pretty good terms. Maybe people should just learn certain things they are and aren't supposed to do.
UGH! I am so sick of people asking me what I'm gonna do when I graduate college. You know there was a time, when I had a plan, I knew what I was gonna do, but certain things happen, and times/minds change. I know I'm graduating in December AND I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT I'M GONNA DO. I just wish I could go to sleep and wake up when I'm 30, or maybe 25 or 27 when my career is picked and I know what I'm doing for the rest of my life. I'm just so sick of this...life.
Oh, and on another interesting painful note, I really think something's fucked up in my body. Today, I got a fun pain in my arm and stomach area at the same time. Very sharp lasted at least five minutes. That was fun. It's also been fun getting the chest pains this week. I'm thinking something's fucked up. But you can bet to hell I'm not spending my time or insurance crap on a damn doctor, cause I can tell you what they'll say, "We don't know what's wrong, but if it gets worse, go to the ER" No fucking thank you. You can only get me into the ER if it's not of my own free will, cause I really don't have the time to care about dr's if they can't figure out what the fuck is wrong with me.
Oh, and you think I"m in a bad mood cause I'm swearing, I'm not, I do this in good moods too.

Like a comment burning bright

OK, little bit of a cross post here, but I wanted to expand on it a little bit.
Wow, so I figured out why Sodapop likes Miami Ink so much, I watched it tonight and comparing it with the other tattoo show I was watching this week, Inked, I do like MI better. MI’s mostly all about the tattoo artists tattooing and their clients, just the tattooing of them, and the reasons behind the tats. Inked showed more about the lives of the artists, other things they did, though I have to say I like the parlor in Inked better, but that’s just cause it didn’t look like a tattoo parlor, it had lots of woodwork, a big receptionist desk and it was weird, it was right in the middle of what looked to be a shopping mall. Also, instead of a neon sign that said Tattoos on the front of it, it just had a sign with their name on it, kinda weird. The only reason (ok, there are two), I was watching it was cause I was watching this show Overhaulin’ before it, these people on the show take an old crappy looking vehicle and make it beautiful again, the few shows I’ve seen they’ve been older, maybe 60’s vehicles, so I’m not sure if they do other eras, but you would thinks so; and cause Sodapop’s always raving about it.
They had one chick on Miami Ink tonight who was getting a cherub to help her remember her mom and heal from her death. And one of the guys was saying how he's done a lot of ink that's for people remembering loved ones, and I was thinking, when I get enough money saved up for my next tat (or I can get someone to "buy" one for me), I'm getting a fairy on my right shoulder blade for Karli.
Now, if you know me, Karli is my best friend and last Nov she found out she had a brain tumor, which turned out to be cancerous. She got part of it taken out in an operation in Jan, and then started radiation in Feb, and ended that in March. In April, she started Chemo, well the drugs they gave her for the Chemo reacted toxically with her body and sent her into seizures. So, she's been healing since then, and on Thurs she's supposed to have a special brain scan to see if there's any of the tumor left. There is one more treatment that she can have if there is any of it left.
So, getting this tat wouldn't be to remember her, but just cause I love her so much, and realizing how close I came to losing her. The fairy I have in mind is one she has a poster and a magnet of, she's a big fairy fan. And I think it would be very fitting. I know she's gonna beat this and live a very long life, but I also know how quick we can lose the people we love. So, I just wanna get it, maybe I'll even get it in color...

Something bad's gonna happen tonight

Ah, another exciting day in the life of me. Got up, checked my email, watched TV til about 5 when I decided I should go for a walk. Ran into one of my cop buddies, B, (I had sent him an email asking if I could share some of my cake with him) it was nice to chat with him, wierdly he says he's allergic to wheat flour, that's gotta suck. Poor baby. I did find out no one gets any vacation this week, with it being the 4th of July and all, so all my guys are on. Also found out another one of our cars got wrecked so that was why I was seeing the impala with the shield (a backup car, in case a car gets wrecked or fucked up), I hate that car. Plus, now we have 2 cars without cages, that also sucks.
So, my body's back in this cycle where my stomach is hungry but my brain isn't so I'm not eating that much again. That's gotta be good, and since all I have to eat is cake at the moment, I've got a real healthy/nutritious diet going. I have a headache at the moment, and my country music which generally takes care of it isn't working. Also, I'm in a mood, so yeah. Also, found out I can pull out the hair on my legs rather than shaving them, that's gotta be good.
So, now that I've throughly depressed you...

What burns me

As they say on Blue Collar Comedy Tour.
One of the guys I work with has a bike and he rides it frequently (which is what you do if you have a bike). And he keeps saying he'll take me for a ride if he's ever in town with it, I've come to realize that he's just stringing me on when he says that, it's never gonna happen. Anyway, he comes in and says "Guess what I did last night/this weekend?" Not a hard guess, and then he goes on to tell me in detail about his rides and stuff about his bike. And it just drives me nuts. I don't get to ride often and, that doesn't bother me as much as someone shoving it in my face that they ride a lot. Sometimes I just wanna AAARRGGHHH!!!
I understand that I can't rub stuff in people's faces (that's just rude), I know how much it bugs Karli that she can't ride, so I don't mention the bikes I see on my walks or if I have a potential ride. I don't see the need to make her feel bad because she can't ride. Cause I know she misses riding her bike.
I think I've also become content not to ride (unless someone shoves it in my face when they come into the library). I'm very content to go on my walks and oogle at the hott guys, the sweet cars, and the nice bikes. As long as I get out and enjoy the weather, I'm fine. Yeah, I'm kinda bummed that I really haven't been able to break my helmet in too well (I've only used it twice since I bought it), but I'm ok with that.

Think before speaking

So, I have a great problem of doing things before thinking. Mostly saying/posting stuff online before thinking, but still.
I recently did this with a friend who I met online and became close with. Well, I hadn't heard from her in awhile and then when stuff happened and she'd post about it, I was annoyed, not so much that she didn't tell me, but more because she hadn't told me in the few months that I hadn't talked to her. So I stuck something up on my blog, that I should have thought about longer and not posted.
That's at least the 2nd time I've done that. Sometimes I should just write the post, but wait a couple days to post it, because of things that you learn, and that your mood levels out in a few days.
Something else I should have thought about more, but still love, is my last tattoo. I have 3 tattoos, one: my display pic, two: a ring of flames on my arm, and three: the outline of a panther walking down my arm. In the beginning I wanted a wolf walking down my arm, but couldn't find a pic of what I wanted, so finally settled on a panther. Now, I'm not saying I don't love it, because I really do, just sometimes I look at it and think, I should have waited, or at least got it on my leg. My mom has even said she'd pay to have it removed. Now, it's no secret between my parents and I that they aren't very fond of my tattoos, but obviously my mom really hates this one. I actually considered the idea once, but then I researched it and found an outline will still be visible (which is what the tattoo is anyway), and it hurts like 10X if not more than getting it. So, no thanks.

Hi

Alright, so this is the unedited version of my life. If you want the one where I probably don't complain as much, try Weink's Wonders.
I decided since my parents read my main blog, I needed a new one where I could complain about them, health problems and everything else. They just have a tendency to get over worried about some stuff, and I sure's hell don't need that.