Your laugh for the day

TRACTOR-CUTION (Darwin Award Nominee) New York Joe, 20, was driving drunkenly through Wayne County farmland in upstate New York when he steered his car directly into a ditch and knocked over a powerline. Oops! How could he rescue his car from the ditch without getting a DUI? The only way out was to steal a nearby farm vehicle, and winch the car out himself. So he aproached the nearest farmhouse, managed to start a tractor, and motored over to the scene of the accident. With the utmost of inebriated care, he then proceeded to drive several tons of metal directly into the downed power line. Goodbye Joe. Hello Darwin Award.
A ROLLING STONE... (Darwin Award Nominee) Vietnam A rolling stone is not the only thing that gathers no moss. Three men scavenging for scrap metal found an unexploded 500-pound bomb perched atop a hill near Hanoi, and decided to rely on a little help from Sir Isaac Newton. After all, gravity is free. As they rolled the bomb down the hillside, it detonated, blasting a four-meter crater and sending all three entrepreneurs to a face to face meeting with their deceased hero.
NOT A SHRED OF SENSE (Darwin Award Nominee) The ambulance responded to a frantic call concerning a neighbor's trip through a tree shredder. It seems the individual had decided to prune his own trees, rather than hire a professional. Why not? After all, the local rental shop had shredders that could make quick work of yard debris, including tree limbs up to 8 inches in diameter. To save time (those fateful words) the neighbor placed the shredder at the base of a great oak tree. He intended to cut off the top third of the tree, since it had been damaged by lightning and was dead. With the shredder running wide open, the neighbor climbed his ladder to the first tree branch, stepped off the ladder, slipped, and fell. The paramedics found him very dead, half in and half out of the shredder's hopper, one leg shredded to the hip. Not married, no kids, removed self from the gene pool.
DESCENT OF MAN (Darwin Award Nominee) In one case during my 20 years on the NYPD, we responded to a "body in a courtyard" call and found a 19-year-old man who had obviously perished by falling from a great height. We ruled out suicide, and we eventually located an informative eyewitness. The man's younger brother told us that the two of them had intended to burglarize an apartment. His brother had climbed a cable TV wire to a 5th floor window and, while struggling to force the window, had lost his grip on the thin cable and fallen to his death. The brother panicked and ran. When I asked why they had selected that particular apartment, the brother looked at me disdainfully and replied, "Obviously they got a TV if they got a cable going in the window."
STEEL IS GOLD (Darwin Award Nominee) Czech Republic Steel is valuable, especially the high grade alloy used in steel cable. Scrap metal dealers do not ask questions. They pay in cash. And a good supply of cables can be found in elevator shafts. This particular goldmine was a towering shaft inside an empty grainery near Zatec, 40 miles northwest of Prague. The cable was tightly fastened, and the far end of it disappeared into the shadowy distance above. After substantial wear and tear on a hacksaw, our man finally cut through the strong steel cable. At that instant, the counterbalance, no longer held in check, started to move silently downwards, accelerating until it reached the bottom of the shaft. Result: one proud winner of a "terminal velocity" Darwin Award. R.I.P.
A BREATHTAKING VIEW (Darwin Award Nominee) South Africa Johannesburg is growing with the construction of modern new buildings. An engineer who was inspecting the framework of a building asked a worker to stand on a scaffold that was projecting through an open space where the glass panel would soon be mounted. With the worker acting as a counterweight, the engineer walked out onto the scaffold, checked the exterior, and came back in to continue his inspection. After the engineer left, curiosity got the better of the worker. He walked out on the scaffold to see what the engineer was looking at... The worker removed himself from the gene pool out of sheer stupidity. But one does wonder whether that engineer is blithely continuing to ask trusting people to act as counterweights without explaining his reason, and leaving a trail of bodies in his wake!
ON THE PISTE (Darwin Award Nominee) David, 46, was sliding down an Italian ski slope one night. It did not occur to him that it might be dangerous to sled down the same slope he had stripped of protective padding. Sauze d'Oulx is one of five villages which make up the "Milky Way" ski area in northern Italy. Hugely popular with British skiers, the resort is known for its party atmosphere. A ski resort spokesperson for Sauze d'Oulx said, "The men had all been drinking when they tore off the padding, and ironically..." ...careened straight into the bare barriers at the bottom of the piste (groomed slope). David died from head and chest injuries inflicted by the unpadded metal. Two of his friends survived with medical attention. A third Darwin Award candidate is still missing after he wandered away "bloodied and distressed."
CRUTCH, MEET CROTCH (Darwin Award Nominee) Russia Late one night, Eduard entered the apartment of a handicapped man, who slept peacefully as Eduard quietly cleaned out the valuables. Eduard was preparing to leave when suddenly the man woke up. "I couldn't believe my eyes!" The dark shape of some goon standing next to my nightstand!" recalls the burglary victim. "I cried out, and he attacked me, who was defenseless, with his fists! I had no choice. I hit him between the legs with my crutch! He leapt out the window! Thank God I live on the first floor, and he did not die from the fall. I didn't understand at first what had fallen out of his pants. When I looked closer, I realized that it was a testicle, a man's testicle! I put it in cold water, and rushed to the phone." The handicapped man dialed the emergency services several times, but "the doctors hung up on me when I told them I had ripped a burglar's balls off!" Half an hour later, the blood-covered thief was found by a passerby, who called the police. "An unconscious man was lying on the sidewalk," a police investigator disclosed. When the medics revived him, he started screaming hysterically, 'Give me back my balls!'" Eduard's genitals were so traumatized that doctors had to amputate the entire scrotum to prevent gangrene. In the hospital, Eduard filed a complaint with the police. He said "I will never forgive him!"
FRUGAL ("At Risk" Survivor) (11 December 2007, Germany) Being frugal can be carried too far. A 64-year-old man returning from Egypt was switching planes at the Nuremberg airport, when he was told that he could not take two pints of vodka onto the plane. New security rules prohibit carrying large quantities of liquid onto a plane, and the security staff was adamant. Instead of handing over the alcohol, or paying a fee to check his carry-on luggage, the man quickly quaffed the two pints. That much vodka can easily kill a man. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. He was soon unable to stand upright. A doctor was summoned. She determined that he had consumed a potentially life-threatening amount of alcohol, and sent him to a local clinic for treatment of alcohol poisoning.
BBQ KABOOM ("At Risk" Survivor) Tennessee A 22-year-old man was having a BBQ moment. John's friends needed charcoal embers, and John had the means to deliver: his trusty 1978 Chevrolet pickup truck. So he put his burning BBQ in the bed of the truck, and set off down the road. "Obviously, we would urge people not to drive with burning grills in their vehicles." Sheriff's Office spokesman Ted Denny said later. The trouble was, the hot grill was not the only item in the bed of the pickup. Hot charcoal, meet propane tank. The propane tank exploded and the Chevy was engulfed in flames. But John was lucky. Due to the quick response of emergency crews, the conflagration was extinguished. John escaped with burns to his lower legs. burns that will no doubt leave scars to remind him that few BBQ emergencies are worth the risk.
A SLIPPERY SLOPE ("At Risk" Survivor) UK The seaside town at the mouth of the river Yare keeps a modern lifeboat at anchor by the harbor wall. The old lifeboat shed is nearby, and its cobbled slipway descended straight into the river. The next stop is the coast of Holland. I was eight years old, and not afflicted by the degree of supervision that kids endure nowadays. That summer, a bunch of us decided it would be a great wheeze to take a discarded tractor tyre from the dump, and take turns curling up inside it while the others rolled us down the slipway into the river. The name of the game was to struggle out before the tyre reached the water. This provided several minutes of hysterical fun, until the inevitable happened. All hell broke loose as the lucky winner and the tyre rapidly made their way to open sea. The sight of the big yellow Coast Guard helicopter and its crew saving his ass went some way towards compensating for the pain inflicted upon mine by my dad that evening.
DEFINITELY NOT DEADLY ("At Risk" Survivor) Spain The warning stated, "Ingestion of 20 grams is potentially lethal," but a visitor to the Mycological Conference in the village of Badajoz disagreed with the official assessment of Amanita Phalloides, commonly known as the death cap mushroom. 45-year-old Jose Manuel knew mushrooms. He had spent the past few days collecting and exhibiting mushrooms. He began arguing with conference attendees. To prove his point, he picks up the mushroom and began chewing on half of it. Aghast onlookers begged him to spit it out, but he calmly finished chewing, swallowed, and went on to consume the remaining half of the poisonous basidiomycete fungus. Jose Manuel, clearly under the influence of alcohol, insisted that the next few hours would prove who was right and who was wrong. Indeed they did. An ambulance was summoned and, despite heated opposition, a friend finally convinced the amateur mycologist to get into the ambulance. It was lucky that his friend was persuasive. Once in the hospital, Jose Manuel started to show the typical signs of Death Cap poisoning: bloating, jaundice, and continuous vomiting. He spent two days in the Intensive Care Unit, before being transferred to a standard hospital bed. The major of the town visited the foolhardy mycologist in the hospital. Although the man was aware that his liver showed extremely high levels of transaminase, an enzyme that is produced when the liver has had to process toxic substances, he told the mayor that he is still convinced that the mushroom is harmless. Maybe a second try will make him a worthy Darwin nominee.
UNFINISHED PROJECT ("At Risk" Survivor) Any story that begins, "Well, I was building a pipe bomb," can never end well. Sam is a bright and successful individual with an appetite for building new things. Things like axles and pipe bombs. One Sunday, angry that the Broncos were losing, Sam headed to his workshop to build a pipe bomb. He welded a pipe closed on one end. Taking every precaution one can take when one is illegally creating high explosives, Sam was smart enough to let the metal cool down before he put the gun powder in the pipe. When he was done packing the powder, he realized that he had run out of welding rod. And so he set the half-finished pipe bomb on the scrap metal pile for later. Pipe bombs, like any other half-done task, have a tendency to stay undone for a great deal of time. That's what happened with Sam's project. He simply forgot about the pipe bomb for six long months, summer and fall. A few days before hunting season, Sam was loading his hunting gear into his pride-and-joy Ford Bronco, when he noticed that a shaft was cracked. Being an expert welder, Sam knew he could fix the cracked pipe himself. I hardly need to say more. Sam reached into his scrap metal pile, pulled out a pipe, pulled down his welding hood, and struck an arc. He remembers a loud bang and not much else. There was shrapnel embedded in the rafters of the third floor of his house. Another piece of shrapnel had blown through Sam's welding hood, missing his empty skull by half an inch. I still have the photographic evidence. Nothing good ever comes from the phrase, "Well, I was building a pipe bomb."
WORKPLACE FLING ("At Risk" Survivor) Australia My younger brother worked as a hand fitter at the Kalgoorlie Nickel Smelter. He was laughing so hard telling this story that he nearly wet himself. One piece of heavy machinery at the smelter is a screw feeder, a large cast-iron tube with an Archimedean screw inside. As the screw turns, it transports chunks of ore along its length. One of the drawbacks to the design is that it can, and does, jam if ore gets wedged between the edge of the screw and the casing. When a jam occurs, correct procedure is... what? That's right, shut the feeder down, open a hatch in the casing, and use a pry bar to dislodge the jam. Then start the machinery back up. Incorrect procedure, as demonstrated by my brother's co-worker, is to take a six-foot jimmy bar and bash the side of the casing in an effort to dislodge the jam. This is a bad idea because cast iron can fracture if abused. But the screw feeder is a rugged piece of equipment. It survived the bashing. Our anti-hero then opens the inspection panel whilst the feeder is running. He spots the jam and dislodges it with the same six-foot jimmy bar. Did I mention that the feeder is still running? Did I mention that it's a large, rugged piece of equipment? The screw grabs the end of the jimmy bar and whips it around violently. The free end of the bar intersects our man's testicles. He lands in a crumpled, semi-conscious heap ten feet away from the now free-running feeder. Fortunately for him, the mangled bar misses him when it is flung free of the feeder moments later. Otherwise this story would have a more somber ending. The unfortunate worker sustained injuries to his genitalia that necessitated a hospital stay. And worse, he put an end to the smelter's accident-free run in a public and highly amusing fashion. His pride was as crushed as his testicles. Almost.
MEXICAN DIVORCE ("At Risk" Survivor) I was travelling in Mexico with my then wife. Like many young hands, we were in a VW van equipped with a potty to provide for our fussy American preference for sanitation and privacy. We had been quibbling all day, due to the stifling heat and humidity of the sea level jungle in which we had been camping. We took the road toward Mexico City, hoping that higher elevation would gain us some relief from the tropical heat. On a switchback road several thousand feet above sea level, my dear wife announced the need to use the convenience, and lurched toward the rear of the van. I suggested that she wait until I could pull over, but she was resolute in her determination to attend to matters promptly. From the back, I heard her irritable voice say, "Why's this sodding potty rocking?" I pondered, and realized that the potty was under pressure! It had been last used at sea level, and we had gained significant elevation. The bottom of the potty was bowed with pressure, causing the rocking. And, to my good wife's impending grief and mortification, the potty was nearly full. A beat too late, I called back, "Honey don't flush..." I was interrupted by a mighty "WHOOSH" and a slurpy noise. Then silence. Then a horrible stench, and the unhappy sounds of my dear bride cursing like a Liverpool longshoreman. In the rear view mirror, I saw that the interior of the van was dripping with brown fluid. Since she had to face the potty to flush it, and since she hadn't put the lid down, my hapless wife had taken the full blast from the pressurized holding tank. She looked like Al Jolson in blackface. Convulsed with laughter which was the proximate cause of our subsequent marital decline, I pulled over. My soon-to-be-ex lady marched down the highway cursing and dripping. When I recovered my composure, I cleaned the van and picked up my luckless hitch-hiking wife. Our conversation was limited over the next few days, and never regained it's former gaiety and charm. That pressurized potty took us out of the gene pool.
MOLTEN COPPER SHOWER ("At Risk" Survivor) Police in England are hunting for a badly scorched would-be copper thief after finding a hacksaw embedded in an 11,000 volt power cable. The thief also left a lit blow torch at the scene, is presumed to be badly charred, and not the brightest bulb in the socket. Copper prices have more than doubled in the last four years, sparking a wave of copper thefts across the globe. Thieves targeting copper wire and copper pipes have suffered many fatalities and serious injuries. "The sheer stupidity of cutting through power cables should be glaringly obvious to everyone," said a spokesperson for the power company. "At the very least, it would have created an almighty bang and showered him with molten copper." 800 customers were left without power for several hours.

Have fun with the group.

Would the IRS email me if they noticed I could get a tax refund?

I got this email today:

After the last annual calculations of your fiscal activity we have determined that you are eligible to receive a tax refund of $xxx. Please submit the tax refund request and allow us 3-6 days in order to process it. A refund can be delayed for a variety of reasons. For example submitting invalid records or applying after the deadline. To access the form for your tax refund, please click here Note: Deliberate wrong inputs will be prosecuted by law. Regards, Internal Revenue Service

I'd love to get a tax refund, but I'd hate to buy into something that's a scam. I'm kinda leery about it, but I thought I'd ask my loyal readers for advice, cause y'all give such great advice

Without love it don't mean a thing

THE DARWIN AWARDS - January 2008
Announcing the new, the beloved, the 2007 DARWIN AWARD WINNERS!
" Named in honor of Charles Darwin, the father of evolution, the Darwin Awards commemorate those who improve our gene pool by accidentally removing themselves from it. "
This was the year of the Squashed Darwin Award Winner. THREE independent groups of people attempted to remove the supports from beneath a barn, a water tower, and a heavy factory roof. In all cases, the structures collapsed without their aptly-named supports. Duh! This year brought us 16 jaw-droppping nominees, not counting new nominees for previous years and Near Misses (AKA Honorable Mentions) which I will cover in the next ish.
Enjoy the stories of the winners... and be glad you're not one!
Wendy
RUNNER UP # FIVE: THE LAPTOP STILL WORKS (Confirmed True by Darwin)
"Driving is not a time to be practicing your multitasking skills," remarked CHP spokesman Tom Marshall, commenting on a 29-year-old computer tutor's decision to drive along Highway 99 in California while working on his laptop. He drifted over the center line, and was killed by oncoming traffic. CHP officers found Oscar's computer still running, plugged into the Honda Accord's cigarette lighter.
REFERENCES: http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2007-12.html

RUNNER UP # FOUR: SUPERIOR MOMENTUM (Confirmed True by Darwin)
June 2007, Illinois Two Valparaiso men tested their reflexes by playing "chicken" with a train. Which man could stay on the rail the longest in the path of an oncoming train? At the stroke of midnight, the contest was decided. The winner, aptly named Patrick Stiff, lost his life. The train continued on, as the conductor was unaware that it had hit anyone.
REFERENCES: http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2007-07.html

RUNNER UP # THREE: BARN DEMOLITION (Unconfirmed by Darwin)
January 2007, West Virginia) Three friends set out to dismantle a dilapidated barn one bracing winter afternoon. Speaking of bracing... One industrious man fired up his chainsaw and ripped through a crucial support post. Carrying the weight of a full barn roof, those wooden support beams were all that stood between the demolition worker and structural collapse. It was all fun and games until the roof, sans support, succumbed to the pull of gravity and flattened the man with the chainsaw. As a consolation prize, the deceased was indeed successful at demolishing the barn.
(Darwin notes, this story is unconfirmed, but no disputes have come to my attention, as usually happens with bogus stories.)
REFERENCES: http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2007-02.html
Addendum: This was the year of the Squashed Darwin Award Winner. Two other groups of people attempted to remove the supports from beneath a water tower, and a heavy factory roof. In both cases, the structure collapsed without their aptly-named supports. Duh!
REFERENCES: http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2007-09.html

RUNNER UP # TWO: MOLE HUNT (Confirmed True by Darwin)
January 2007, East Germany One man's extraordinary effort to eradicate a mole from his property resulted in a victory for the mole. The metal rods he pounded into the ground and connected to a high-voltage power line, electrified the very ground the man stood upon. He was found dead at his holiday property on the Baltic Sea. Police had to trip the main circuit breaker before venturing onto the property.
REFERENCES: http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2007-01.html

RUNNER UP # ONE: WHAT GOES UP MUST COME DOWN (Confirmed Double Darwin Award)
June 2007, South Carolina A passing cabbie found a 21 year-old deceased couple laying naked in the road an hour before sunrise. Authorities were baffled. There were no witnesses, no trace of clothing, and no wrecked vehicles present. But investigators eventually found a clue high on the roof of a nearby building: two sets of neatly folded clothes. Safe sex takes on a whole new meaning when you are perched on the edge of a pyramid-shaped metal roof. "It appears as if [they] accidentally fell off the roof," Sgt. McCants said.
REFERENCES: http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2007-05.html

Take me there

It so does not feel like New Year's Eve. I figured out why, though, after pondering it awhile. I've gotten so used to working basketball games on New Year's Eve that when there's not one (like this year), it doesn't feel like New Year's Eve.
I hope everyone is partying responsibly. If you're drinking, please don't drink too much, or get a designated driver, or stay where you're drinking.
Me, I'm planning on watching TV til I fall asleep. Kevin's working the overnight shift tonight, he needs the money, and how much more fun can you get than hauling off all the people that didn't party responsibly to celebrate the new year to jail?

Look on my links list, I'm adding a new one that I picked up from Johnny Law, Officer "Smith": Thoughts From Behind the Badge. It's pretty good, I find myself agreeing with everything I've read (so far, reading back posts at the moment). He keeps mentioning things that he says the 'average Joe' wouldn't get, but I understand them, might be because of my CJ degree, or other factors, I don't know, but it's very enjoyable, check it out if you're interested in reading cop blogs.

Lessons from the Stupid

PERSONAL ACCOUNT: Hedge Your Bets (near miss) 2007, Ontario, Canada My friend's daughter is a plastic surgeon with expertise in reconstructive surgery. Recently a patient was rushed into the hospital, needing a surgeon to reattach the tips of his fingers to his left hand.
While taking the patient history, it was found that this bright chap got the idea of holding his lawn mower sideways and applying it to his hedge. He was holding the mower deck, trimming the hedge, and things went well until the weight of the mower got to be a bit much. He readjusted his grip on the mower deck, and that was when the blade bit him.
When my friend's daughter was almost finished with the complex job of sewing this patient back together, another patient came in with the same injury! On investigation, it was found that he, too, had been using his mower to trim his hedge. Apparently this man was a neighbor of the first patient. He watched his neighbor trim his hedge, and thought it was a bright idea.

DARWIN AWARD: ZAP!
(2003, California) John, a real estate attorney, was skimming leaves from his pool when he noticed a palm frond caught in the power lines. Years of education equipped John with enough reasoning power to become a successful litigator. Yet his education did not equip him with sufficient acumen to avoid becoming a toasty critter, when hereached up with the long metal pole and poked at the palm frond. John was, for once, the path of least resistance.
His family, perhaps as an homage to his litigation skills, sued both the utility company and the pool supply store, which failed to disclose the danger of using the pool skimmer on power lines.

They're too busy holdin on to one another

Halloween Edition of the Darwin Awards:
CONFIRMED DARWIN AWARD:
Mummy Says, Don't Smoke"Another Incentive to Kick the Habit"
For Halloween 1998, a Canadian man dressed as a mummy by wrappinghimself from head to toe in fluffy cotton batting. The cotton wastaped at the wrists and ankles, and white gloves and running shoescompleted his ensemble. As the mummy waited for his girlfriendto dress for pictures, he carelessly lit a cigarette...and the fluffy cotton burst into flames.
The reason for flame-retardant costumes became clear.
Firefighters arrived within minutes, yet already the mummy costumewas reduced to ashes, right down to the white coveralls underneath.The man kept repeating, "It's my fault." He was taken to Soldier'sMemorial Hospital with 2nd and 3rd degree burns, where he died.

UNCONFIRMED DARWIN AWARD: Death of Dracula
1994 A college student dressed up as Dracula for Halloween. For the finishing touch, he put a pine board down the front of his shirt, so he could stick a knife into the board and pretend he wastransfixed with a killing stake. He didn't consider the strengthof the thin pine board when he tapped in the knife with a hammer.
Propelled by the force of the hammer, the sharp knife tip splitthe soft wood and buried itself in his heart. He staggered fromhis dorm room into the party, gasping, "I really did it!"before succumbing before horrified friends.
REFERENCE: Dead Men Do Tell Tales by William R. Maples, Ph.D., 1994

But a lot was not enough

Who can explain this to me? Why is it when I go into Yahoo! chat rooms I'm bombarded with the people who want to talk about sex? Is there no one that knows how to talk intelligently?

I thought I'd play with a couple of them today and see if they could pass as decent human beings, they don't.
One guy asked if I was happy cause I was alone. I told him for all he knew I could be taking a break from a threesome, to which he asked how old. So I told him, 12 and 13, and he asked if they were my brother and sister. What a sicko.
One of the other guys asked how old I was, so to throw him off I told him 12. He asked to see my pic, we all know what they mean with that, so I told him it was illegal to download child porn, and he said that wasn't what he was looking for. I told him, I knew what he wanted and that my dad had gotten me ready at age 5. So he said, can't you just share your pic. I told him he had to give me a min so I could log his IP, his sn and send them to the PD. He's still trying to chat with me.
And how about the person who tried to get me to view their webcam without even an IM.
Is there no intelligent life out there?

You're out on the street looking good

This is really cool, found it in my email group.
One hundred years ago. Here are some of the U.S. Statistics for the Year 1906! :
The average life expectancy in the U.S. was 47 years.
Only 14 percent of the homes in the U.S. had a bathtub.
Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.
A three-minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars.
There were only 8,000 cars in the U.S., and only 144 miles of paved roads.
The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.
Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily populated than California.
With a mere 1.4 million people, California was only the 21st most populous state in the Union.
The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower!
The average wage in the U.S. was 22 cents per hour.
The average U.S. worker made between $200 and $400 per year.
A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.
More than 95 percent of all births in the U.S. took place at HOME.
Ninety percent of all U.S. doctors had NO COLLEGE EDUCATION! Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press AND the government as "substandard."
Sugar cost four cents a pound. Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen. Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.
Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used borax or egg yolks for shampoo.
Canada passed a law that prohibited poor people from entering into their country for any reason.
Five leading causes of death in the U.S. were:
1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke
The American flag had 45 stars.
Arizona, Oklahoma , New Mexico , Hawaii , and Alaska hadn't been admitted to the Union yet.
The population of Las Vegas, Nevada , was only 30!!!!
Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and ice tea hadn't been invented yet.
There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.
Two out of every 10 U.S. adults couldn't read or write.
Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.
Eighteen percent of households in the U.S. had at least one full-time servant or domestic help.
There were about 230 reported murders in the ENTIRE U.S.A.!
I wonder what these stats will be in another 100 years.

We can't keep the field

You.
Can.
Only.
Type.
One.
Word.
Not as easy as you might think...
1. Yourself? Wendy
2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse? None
3. Your hair? straight
4. Your mother? Sharon
5. Your father? Don
6. Your Favorite Item: (I don't know, and if I did, I know I couldn't do it in one word)
7. Your dream last night: sensational
8. Your Favorite drink: Vault
9. The room you are in: livingroom
12. Your Fears: unknown
13. What do you want to be in 10 years? happy
14. Who you hung out with last night: me
15. What You're Not? normal
16. Muffins? chocolate
17: One of Your Wish List Items: job
18. Time: 13:42
19. Last thing you did? blog
20. What You Are Wearing? jeans
21. Your Favorite Weather: rainy
22. Your Favorite Book: law
23. The last thing you ate: Dove
24. Your Life: interesting
25. Your Mood: bored
26. Your friends: priceless
27. What are you thinking about right now? chilling
28. What are you doing at this moment? typing
30. Your summer: hot
31. Your relationship status? single
32. What is on your tv? FieldofDreams
33. When is the last time you laughed? now
34. last time you cried? yesterday
35. school? graduated

LAYER ONE: Spell your name with bands/artists
W - Who, The
E - Eminem
N - Nitty Gritty Dirt Band
D - Def Leppard
Y - Yoakam, Dwight

LAYER TWO:
-- full Name: W J W (Sorry kids, not disclosing that)
-- Birthdate: July 2, 1983
-- Nickname: weinkermeyer, weink, wendell
-- Current Location: living room
-- Eye Color: hazel
-- Righty or Lefty: righty
-- Zodiac Sign: Cancer

LAYER THREE:
-- The shoes you wore today: none yet, will be wearing tennis shoes later
-- Your weaknesses: flames, motorcycles, cops, military
-- Your fears: the unknown
-- Your perfect pizza: mushroom stuffed crust pizza
-- Goal you'd like to achieve: To have a job (very soon), be happy

LAYER FOUR:
-- Your best physical feature: that I do not know
-- Your bedtime: whenever I get tired
-- Most missed memory? knowing the future was planned out for me

LAYER FIVE:-- Pepsi or Coke: Coke
-- McDonald's or Burger King: Burger King
-- Adidas or Nike: Doesn't matter
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Neither
-- Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate
-- Cappuccino or coffee: Neither

LAYER SIX:
-- Curse: When people piss me off
-- Sing: When I'm alone to good music
-- Take a shower everyday: Every other
-- Have a crush: DUH! Dream Guy, Jason Aldean
-- Do you think you've been in love?: Yeah
-- Want to go to college: Been there, graduated, now what?
-- Like(d) high school: It was tolerable, I liked how I knew what was coming next and I loved my art classes
-- Want to get married: Someday
-- Think you're a health freak: Not even close
-- Get along with your parents: As well as is able, mom and I clash a lot
-- Play an instrument: No

LAYER SEVEN: In the past month;
-- Drank alcohol: Yes
-- Done a drug: No
-- Gone to the mall: Yes
-- Kissed someone: No
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: No
-- Eaten Sushi: No
-- Been on stage: Yeah, for graduation
-- Gone skating: No
-- Made homemade cookies: No
-- Gone Skinny dipping: No
-- Stolen anything: No

LAYER EIGHT: Ever;
-- Played a game that required removal of clothing: No
-- If so, was it mixed company: -- No
-- Been called a tease: Maybe?
-- Been beaten up: Yes, when I was in 4th grade an older guy did ASSHOLE

LAYER NINE:
--Age you hope to be married: 30?
--Numbers of Children: None
-- Describe your Dream Wedding: I'm thinking small ceremony with close friends and relatives, planning on wearing my prom dress (it's periwinkle, but I think it's perfect) beyond that I haven't really figured it out
--What country would you most like to visit?: Ireland

LAYER TEN: In the opposite sex
--Best eye color?: I don't think it matters, but I like blue
--Best hair color?: Once again, doesn't matter
--Short hair or long hair?: Inbetween, I want something to run my fingers through
--Height: Taller than 5'8, I wanna be able to look up at him, but not too tall
--Best weight: Slim to a little heavy, not too heavy

LAYER ELEVEN:
--Number of people I could trust with my life: A few
--Number of CDs that I own: 69 + 50 or so that I've made


I was watching Field of Dreams today, some say its the movie that put Iowa on the map. And I love this quote by Terance Mann (played by James Earl Jones), he says it towards the end of the movie when Ray Kinsella (played by Kevin Costner) is pushed to sell the farm by Mark (played by Timothy Busfield):
"Ray, people will come Ray. They'll come to Iowa for reasons they can't even fathom. They'll turn up your driveway not knowing for sure why they're doing it. They'll arrive at your door as innocent as children, longing for the past. Of course, we won't mind if you look around, you'll say. It's only $20 per person. They'll pass over the money without even thinking about it: for it is money they have and peace they lack. And they'll walk out to the bleachers; sit in shirtsleeves on a perfect afternoon. They'll find they have reserved seats somewhere along one of the baselines, where they sat when they were children and cheered their heroes. And they'll watch the game and it'll be as if they dipped themselves in magic waters. The memories will be so thick they'll have to brush them away from their faces. People will come Ray. The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game: it's a part of our past, Ray. It reminds of us of all that once was good and it could be again. Oh... people will come Ray. People will most definitely come."


So, I found this in my email today. It teaches us a valuable lesson: Don't get into an 8 foot helium balloon.
HIGH ON LIFE: "Take a deep breath..."
(3 June 2006, Florida) Two more candidates have thrown themselves into the running for a Darwin Award. The feet of Jason and Sara, both 21, were found protruding from a deflated, huge helium advertising balloon. Jason was a college student, and Sara attended community college, but apparently their education had glossed over the importance of oxygen. When one breathes helium, the lack of oxygen in the bloodstream causes a rapid loss of consciousness. Some euthanasia experts advocate the use of helium to painlessly end one's life. The pair pulled down the 8' balloon, and climbed inside. Their last words consisted of high-pitched, incoherent giggling as they slowly passed out and passed into the hereafter. Sheriff's deputies said the two were not victims of foul play. No drugs or alcohol were found. The medical examiner reported that helium inhalation was a significant factor in their deaths. A family member said "Sara was mischievous, to be honest. She liked fun and it cost her."

When you wanna sing to it

OK, this is hilarious, just don't piss your pants.
ONLY A GUY WOULD DO THIS. Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. Hmmm. Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Toni. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were suppose to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries,... right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!" What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best..... I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one- second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.... I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION@!@$$!%!@*!!! I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!" Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative. SON-OF-A-.... that hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they up get there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles? I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return. Still in shock, Tommy

Raising Hell at the 7th Veil

Don't Close Your Blinds!
This makes you really think
The other day, my nine year old son wanted to know why we were at war ..My husband looked at our son and then looked at me. My husband and I were in the Army during the Gulf War and we would be honored to serve and defend our Country again today. I knew that my husband would give him a good explanation. My husband thought for a few minutes and then told my son to go stand in our front living room window.
He said "Son, stand there and tell me what you see?"
"I see trees and cars and our neighbor's houses." he replied.
"OK, now I want you to pretend that our house and our yard is the United States of America and you are President Bush."
Our son giggled and said "OK."
"Now son, I want you to look out the window and pretend that every house and yard on this block is a different country" my husband said.
"OK Dad, I'm pretending."
"Now I want you to stand there and look out the window and pretend you see Saddam come out of his house with his wife, he has her by the hair and is hitting her. You see her bleeding and crying. He hits her in the face, he throws her on the ground, then he starts to kick her to death. Their children run out and are afraid to stop him, they are screaming and crying, they are watching this but do nothing because they are kids and they are afraid of their father. You see all of this, son....what do you do?"
"Dad?"
" What do you do son?"
"I'd call the police, Dad."
"OK. Pretend that the police are the United Nations. They take your call. They listen to what you know and saw but they refuse to help. What do you do then son?"
"Dad.......... but the police are supposed to help!" My son starts to whine.
"They don't want to son, because they say that it is not their place or your place to get involved and that you should stay out of it," my husband says.
"But Dad...he killed her!!" my son exclaims.
"I know he did...but the police tell you to stay out of it. Now I want you to look out that window and pretend you see our neighbor who you're pretending is Saddam turn around and do the same thing to his children."
"Daddy...he kills them?"
"Yes, son, he does. What do you do?"
"Well, if the police don't want to help, I will go and ask my next door neighbor to help me stop him," our son says.
"Son, our next door neighbor sees what is happening and refuses to get involved as well. He refuses to open the door and help you stop him," my husband says.
"But Dad, I NEED help!!! I can't stop him by myself!!"
"WHAT DO YOU DO SON?" Our son starts to cry.
"OK, no one wants to help you, the man across the street saw you ask for help and saw that no one would help you stop him. He stands taller and puffs out his chest. Guess what he does next son?"
"What Daddy?"
"He walks across the street to the old ladies house and breaks down her door and drags her out, steals all her stuff and sets her house on fire and then... he kills her. He turns around and sees you standing in the window and laughs at you. WHAT DO YOU DO?"
"Daddy..."
"WHAT DO YOU DO?" Our son is crying and he looks down and he whispers, "I'd close the blinds, Daddy."
My husband looks at our son with tears in his eyes and asks him.
"Why?"
Because Daddy.....the police are supposed to help people who needs them...and they won't help.... You always say that neighbors are supposed to HELP neighbors, but they won't help either...they won't help me stop him...I'm afraid.... I can't do it by myself Daddy..... I can't look out my window and just watch him do all these terrible things and...and.....do nothing...so....I'm just going to close the blinds.... so I can't see what he's doing........and I'm going to pretend that it is not happening."
I start to cry. My husband looks at our nine year old son standing in the window, looking pitiful and ashamed at his answers to my husband's questions and he says...
"Son"
"Yes, Daddy."
"Open the blinds because that man.... he's at your front door..."WHAT DO YOU DO?"
My son looks at his father, anger and defiance in his eyes. He balls up his tiny fists and looks his father square in the eyes, without hesitation he says: " I DEFEND MY FAMILY DAD!! I'M NOT GONNA LET HIM HURT MOMMY OR MY SISTER, DAD!!! I'M GONNA FIGHT HIM, DAD, I'M GONNA FIGHT HIM!!!!!"
I see a tear roll down my husband's cheek and he grabs our son to his chest and hugs him tight, and says. .. " It's too late to fight him, he's too strong and he's already at YOUR front door son.....you should have stopped him BEFORE he killed his wife, and his children and the old lady across the way. You have to do what's right, even if you have to do it alone, before its too late." my husband whispers. "THAT scenario I just gave you is WHY we are at war with Iraq. When good men stand by and let evil happen son, THAT is the greatest atrocity in the world."
"YOU MUST NEVER BE AFRAID TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT EVEN IF YOU HAVE TO DO IT ALONE!" BE PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN! BE PROUD OF OUR TROOPS!! SUPPORT THEM!!! SUPPORT AMERICA SO THAT IN THE FUTURE OUR CHILDREN WILL NEVER HAVE TO CLOSE THEIR BLINDS..."
This should be printed in every newspaper and posted in every school in America. Of course that won't happen so we'll use the internet. If your blinds are closed do nothing with this email. If they are open I do not need to tell you what to do.

Time won't give me time

I found this on one of my email groups. And some of it applies to us kids of the 80's as well.

Back In The Day
TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1930's 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's!!
First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing and didn't get tested for diabetes.
Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.
Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.
We ate cupcakes, bread and butter and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms..........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!
We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.
We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate worms, and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes nor did the worms live in us forever.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!
Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!
This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!
The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

Put your head on my shoulder

Sorry, more stuff for you all. But fun at the end.

Found this in my email group. Apparently thieves are recording numbers of gift cards, the ones that are just sitting in displays in stores, waiting a few days and then calling to see what THEY have for a balance. Then if you have activated it, they go online and use up the balance.
Here's the snopes address, if you wanna read more detail.

Welcome to the 2006 Holiday Edition of Getting to Know Your Friends
1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Hot Chocolate, I'm a very big fan of the French Vanilla
2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? It generally depends on how big they are. The big ones usually don't get wrapped, but smaller ones have shown up with gift tags from Santa.
3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? I'd have to say multicolored, but I do love those icicle ones in white. And we've come to decorating our house with white ones in garland, our tree has switched to white as well, but I still love the multi.
4. Do you hang mistletoe? No, no one here is gonna kiss me anyway
5. When do you put your decorations up? Lately, it's been the Fri after Thanksgiving, because that's when my brother is in town, and we still have the tradition of decorating the tree, and putting out mother's Santa collection together. But aside from those, it just depends on when we get to it, outside lights are hung when it's still semi warm out. My decorations are already up, but that's just cause they're all snowmen, being as that's what I collect.
6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? Oh, sure take out the best one LOL. I'd have to say the cheesy potatoes my cousin makes, I love those. I could fill up a plate with equal portions of those, green bean casserole, and creamed corn. But, the potatoes, I really love.
7.Favorite Holiday memory as a child:
8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? I have no idea. I'd say sometime before the end of elementary school, but I really don't know
9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? We used to. When my dad's parents were still alive, his whole family used to go over there on Christmas eve, have a nice supper, and then Grandpa and Grandma would open presents, and hand out envelopes with money in them to the kids and grandkids.
10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree? Our tree has white lights in it, then we hang mostly Santas on it, we still have a few other ornaments that always get put on it, like the red construction paper bell picture frames of me and my brother when we were little.
11. Snow! Love it or Dread it? I love snow. As I've gotten older, I've noticed I wanna play in it more often. And then how it looks in the mornings right after it snows, before the sun is warm enough to melt it and people have walked in it. The only thing I hate is I have to shovel.
12. Can you ice skate? I haven't in a long while, but I probably could if I tried, I had rollerblades, and when the Univ opened their new ice rink a few years (wow, actually it's been about 7 or so, cause it was when I was still in HS) ago, my friends and I all went and skated, but it's been awhile.
13. Do you remember your favorite gift? No
14. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you? Family. It's usually the only time the whole family gets together and gets to see each other
15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? My uncle's cheesecake, of course that's not only for the holidays, but it's so rich, it's very hard to eat a lot of it.
16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Between visiting the Santa House down the road (with over a thousand Santas), going on the annual holiday home tour, and going to see the Christmas light displays in the neighborhood, I couldn't pick
17. What tops your tree? A Santa. Can you see a theme here? It's actually an ornament that looks like the old blown glass ones, but it's plastic and we basically tie it right on the tree.
18. Which do you prefer Giving or Receiving? Giving, always. Esp since I usually make my gifts. I remember the altered book I made my friend Karli last year, I loved making that, it took lots of hours, but when it was done...
19. What is your favorite Christmas Song? Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer, and on a more serious note, O Holy Night
20. Candy Canes...Yuck or Yum? Yuck. I don't like the original peppermint ones, and I'm sick of the different flavors they've comeup with.

Yes I celebrate Christmas, and I will be using Merry Christmas, if you don't like it, tough shit

O Night devine

A couple things that were passed on to me through one of my email groups:

Newspapers simply won't publish letters to the editor which they either deem politically incorrect (read below) or which don't agree with the philosophy they're pushing on the public. This woman wrote a great letter to the editor that should have been published - but with your help it will get published via cyberspace!
New Immigrants From: David LaBonte
My wife, Rosemary, wrote a wonderful letter to the editor of the OC Register which, of course, was not printed. So, I decided to print it myself by sending it out on the Internet. Pass it along if you feel so inclined.
Dave LaBonte
(signed)

Written in response to a series of letters to the editor in the Orange County Register:
Dear Editor: So many letter writers have based their arguments on how this land is made up of immigrants. Ernie Lujan for one, suggests we should tear down the Statue of Liberty because the people now in question aren't being treated the same as those who passed through Ellis Island and other ports of entry. Maybe we should turn to our history books and point out to people like Mr Lujan why today's American is not willing to accept this new kind of immigrant any longer. Back in 1900 when there was a rush from all areas of Europe to come to the United States, people had to get off a ship and stand in a long line in New York and be documented. Some would even get down on their hands and knees and kiss the ground. They made a pledge to uphold the laws and support their new country in good and bad times. They made learning English a primary rule in their new American households and some even changed their names to blend in with their new home. They had waved good bye to their birth place to give their children a new life and did everything in their power to help their children assimilate into one culture. Nothing was handed to them. No free lunches, no welfare, no labor laws to protect them. All they had were the skills and craftsmanship they had brought with them to trade for a future of prosperity. Most of their children came of age when World War II broke out. My father fought along side men whose parents had come straight over from Germany, Italy, France and Japan. None of these 1st generation Americans ever gave any thought about what country their parents had come from. They were Americans fighting Hitler, Mussolini and the Emperor of Japan. They were defending the United States of America as one people. When we liberated France, no one in those villages were looking for the French-American or the German American or the Irish American. The people of France saw only Americans. And we carried one flag that represented one country. Not one of those immigrant sons would have thought about picking up another country's flag and waving it to represent who they were. It would have been a disgrace to their parents who had sacrificed so much to be here. These immigrants truly knew what it meant to be an American. They stirred the melting pot into one red, white and blue bowl. And here we are in 2006 with a new kind of immigrant who wants the same rights and privileges. Only they want to achieve it by playing with a different set of rules, one that includes the entitlement card and a guarantee of being faithful to their mother country. I'm sorry, that's not what being an American is all about. I believe that the immigrants who landed on Ellis Island in the early 1900's deserve better than that for all the toil, hard work and sacrifice in raising future generations to create a land that has become a beacon for those legally searching for a better life. I think they would be appalled that they are being used as an example by those waving foreign country flags. And for that suggestion about taking down the Statue of Liberty, it happens to mean a lot to the citizens who are voting on the immigration bill. I wouldn't start talking about dismantling the United States just yet.
(signed)
Rosemary LaBonte

P. S. Pass this on to everyone you know!!! KEEP THIS LETTER MOVING!! I hope this letter gets read by millions of people all across the nation!!

Perhaps this could help save one of us!!
STROKE: Remember The 1st Three Letters.. S.T.R.
My friend sent this to me and encouraged me to post it and spread the word.
I agree. If everyone can remember something this simple, we could save some folks.
*STROKE IDENTIFICATION:*
During a BBQ, a friend stumbled and took a little fall - she assured everyone that she was fine (they offered to call paramedics) and just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes. They got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food - while she appeared a bit shaken up, Ingrid went about enjoying herself the rest of the evening. Ingrid's husband called later telling everyone that his wife had been taken to the hospital - (at 6:00pm , Ingrid passed away.) She had suffered a stroke at the BBQ. Had theyknown how to identify the signs of a stroke, perhaps Ingrid would be with us today. Some don't die. They end up in a helpless, hopeless condition instead.
*It only takes a minute to read this...*
**A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke...totally. He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and then getting the patient medically cared for within 3 hours, which is tough.
*RECOGNIZING A STROKE*
**Remember the "3" steps, STR . Read and Learn!**
**Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately,the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer severebrain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke.**
**Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by *asking three simplequestions:
***S***Ask the individual to **SMILE**.
***T***Ask the person to **TALK** to **SPEAK A SIMPLE** **SENTENCE**(Coherently) (i.e. It is sunny out today.)**
***R***Ask him or her to **RAISE BOTH ARMS.**
NOTE: Another 'sign' of a stroke is this:
Ask the person to 'stick' out their tongue.
If the tongue is 'crooked', if it goes to one side or the other that isalso an indication of a stroke.If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call 911 immediately!! and describe the* symptoms to the dispatcher.** **

You got a problem but don't come asking me for help

This was passed along to me in one of my many groups. It's really good, if you don't have a tightening in your chest and are not crying (whether inwardly or outwardly) by the time you get to the end, then I feel sorry for you.

A WIFE'S REQUEST"I was sitting alone in one of those loud, casual steak houses that you find all over the country. You know the type--a bucket of peanuts on every table, shells littering the floor, and a bunch of perky college kids racing around with long neck beers and sizzling platters. Taking a sip of my iced tea, I studied the crowd over the rim of my glass. My gaze lingered on a group enjoying their meal. They wore no uniform to identify their branch of service, but they were definitely "military:" clean shaven, cropped hair cut, and that"squared away" look that comes with pride. Smiling sadly, I glanced across my table to the empty seat where my husband usually sat. It had only been a few months since we sat in this very booth, talking about his upcoming deployment to the Middle East. That was when he made me promise to get a sitter for the kids, come back to this restaurant once a month and treat myself to a nice steak. In turn he would treasure the thought of me being here, thinking about him until he returned home I fingered the little flag pin I constantly wear and wondered where he was at this very moment. Was he safe and warm? Was his cold any better? Were my letters getting through to him? As I pondered these thoughts, high pitched female voices from the next booth broke into my thoughts. I don't know what Bush is thinking about. Invading Iraq. You'd think that man would learn from his old man's mistakes. Good lord. What an idiot! I can't believe he is even in office. You do know, he stole the election." I cut into my steak and tried to ignore them, as they began an endless tirade running down our president. I thought about the last night I spent with my husband, as he prepared to deploy. He had just returned from getting his smallpox and anthrax shots. The image of him standing in our kitchen packing his gas mask still gives me chills. Once again the women's voices invaded my thoughts. "It is all about oil, you know. Our soldiers will go in and rape and steal all the oil they can in the name of 'freedom'. Hmmm! I wonder how many innocent people they'll kill without giving it a thought? It's pure greed, you know."My chest tightened as I stared at my wedding ring. I could still see how handsome my husband looked in his "mess dress" the day he slipped it on my finger. I wondered what he was wearing now. Probably his desert uniform, affectionately dubbed "coffee stains" with a heavy bulletproof vest over it. "You know, we should just leave Iraq alone. I don't think they are hiding any weapons. In fact, I bet it's all a big act just to increase the president's popularity.That's all it is, padding the military budget at the expense ofour social security and education. And, you know what else? We're just asking for another 9-11. I can't say when it happens again that we didn't deserve it." Their words brought to mind the war protesters I had watched gathering outside our base. Did no one appreciate the sacrifice of brave men and women, who leave their homes and family to ensure our freedom? Do they even know what "freedom" is? I glanced at the table where the young men were sitting, and saw their courageous faces change. They had stopped eating and looked at each other dejectedly, listening to the women talking. Well, I, for one, think it's just deplorable to invade Iraq, and I am certainly sick of our tax dollars going to train professional baby-killers we call a military." Professional baby-killers? I thought about what a wonderful father my husband is, and of how long it would be before he would see our children again. That's it! Indignation rose up inside me. Normally reserved, pride in my husband gave me a brassy boldness I never realized I had. Tonight one voice will answer on behalf of our military, and let her pride in our troops be known. Sliding out of my booth, I walked around to the adjoining booth and placed my hands flat on their table. Lowering myself to eye level with them, smilingly said, "I couldn't help overhearing your conversation. You see, I'm sitting here trying to enjoy my dinner alone. And, do you know why? Because my husband, whom I love with all my heart, is halfway around the world defending your right to say rotten things about him." "Yes, you have the right to your opinion, and what you think is none of my business. However, what you say in public is something else, and I will not sit by and listen to you ridicule MY country, MY president, MY husband, and all the other fine American men and women who put their lives on the line, just so you can have the "freedom" to complain. Freedom is an expensive commodity, ladies. Don't let your actions cheapen it." I must have been louder that I meant to be, because the manager came over to inquire if everything was all right. "Yes, thank you," I replied. Then, turning back to the women, I said, "Enjoy the rest of your meal." As I returned to my booth applause broke out I was embarrassed for making a scene, and went back to my half eaten steak.The women picked up their check and scurried away. After finishing my meal, and while waiting for my check, the manager returned with a huge apple cobbler a la mode. "Compliments of those soldiers," he said. He also smiled and said the ladies tried to pay for my dinner, but that another couple had beaten them to it. When I asked who, the manager said they had already left, but that the gentleman was a veteran, and wanted to take care of the wife of "one of our boys." With a lump in my throat, I gratefully turned to the soldiers and thanked them for the cobbler. Grinning from ear to ear, they came over and surrounded the booth. "We just wanted to thank you, ma'am. You know we can't get into confrontations with civilians, so we appreciate what you did." As I drove home, for the first time since my husband's deployment, I didn't feel quite so alone. My heart was filled with the warmth of the other diners who stopped by my table, to relate how they, too, were proud of my husband, and would keep him in their prayers. I knew their flags would fly a little higher the next day. Perhaps they would look for more tangible ways to show their pride in our country, and the military who protect her. And maybe, just maybe, the two women who were railing against our country, would pause for a minute to appreciate all the freedom America offers, and the price it pays to maintain it's freedom. As for me, I have learned that one voice CAN make a difference. Maybe the next time protesters gather outside the gates of the basewhere I live, I will proudly stand on the opposite side with a sign of my own. It will simply say, "Thank You!" To those who fought for our Nation: Freedom has a flavor the protected will never know. GOD BLESS AMERICA! Please pray for God's protection of our troops and HIS wisdom for their commanders. "Lord, hold our troops in your loving hands. Protect them as they protect us Bless them and their families for the selfless acts they perform for us in our time of need. I ask this in the name of Jesus, our Lord and Savior."There is nothing attached.... This can be very powerful.... Do not stop this prayer chain, please.... Of all the gifts you could give to anyone in the US Military, be it Air Force, Army, Navy, Marines or National Guard, Prayer is the very best one.. ..Amen!

Think of the troops today, some of them aren't getting a turkey and all the fixings, but be sure they are thinking about it, and their meal will taste like a grand Thanksgiving meal today. Have A Happy Thanksgiving all.

Every time I want to say

I found this on one of the many blogs I read, he says it's funnier if you've served in the military, though I found it very funny anyway.
Once upon a time, there was a SPC Schwarz stationed with the Army in the Balkans. SPC Schwarz was either very clever or very bored; but probably both, since he managed to attempt or be warned about 213 things he wasn't allowed to do. He collected those things into a hilarious list and posted them to the web.
1. Not allowed to watch South Park when I'm supposed to be working.
2. My proper military title is 'Specialist Schwarz' not 'Princess Anastasia'.
3. Not allowed to threaten anyone with black magic.
4. Not allowed to challenge anyone's disbelief of black magic by asking for hair.
5. Not allowed to get silicone breast implants.
6. Not allowed to play 'Pulp Fiction' with a suction-cup dart pistol and any officer.
7. Not allowed to add 'In accordance with the prophesy' to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me.
8. Not allowed to add pictures of officers I don't like to War Criminal posters.
9. Not allowed to title any product 'Get Over it'.
10. Not allowed to purchase anyone's soul on Government time.
11. Not allowed to join the communist party.
12. Not allowed to join any militia.
13. Not allowed to form any militia.
14. Not allowed out of my office when the president visited Sarajevo.
15. Not allowed to train adopted stray dogs to 'Sic Brass!'
16. Must get a haircut even if it tampers with my 'Sampson like powers'.
17. God may not contradict any of my orders.
18. May no longer perform my now (in)famous 'Barbie Girl Dance' while on duty.
19. May not call any officers immoral, untrustworthy, lying, slime, even if I'm right.
20. Must not taunt the French any more.
21. Must attempt to not antagonize SAS.
22. Must never call an SAS a 'Wanker'.
23. Must never ask anyone who outranks me if they've been smoking crack.
24. Must not tell any officer that I am smarter than they are, especially if it's true.
25. Never confuse a Dutch soldier for a French one.
26. Never tell a German soldier that 'We kicked your ass in World War 2!'
27. Don't tell Princess Di jokes in front of the paras (British Airborne).
28. Don't take the batteries out of the other soldiers alarm clocks (Even if they do hit snooze about forty times).
29. The Irish MPs are not after 'Me frosted lucky charms'.
30. Not allowed to wake an Non-Commissioned Officer by repeatedly banging on the head with a bag of trash.
31. Not allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of my actions.
32. Not allowed to let sock puppets take command of my post.
33. Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.
34. (Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.35.
Not allowed to sing 'High Speed Dirt' by Megadeth during airborne operations. ('See the earth below/Soon to make a crater/Blue sky, black death, I'm off to meet my maker')
36. Can't have flashbacks to wars I was not in. (The Spanish-American War isn't over).
37. Our medic is called 'Sgt Larwasa', not 'Dr. Feelgood'.
38. Our supply Sgt is 'Sgt Watkins' not 'Sugar Daddy'.
39. Not allowed to ask for the day off due to religious purposes, on the basis that the world is going to end, more than once.
40. I do not have super-powers.
41. 'Keep on Trucking' is *not* a psychological warfare message.
42. Not allowed to attempt to appeal to mankind's baser instincts in recruitment posters.
43. Camouflage body paint is not a uniform.
44. I am not the atheist chaplain.
45. I am not allowed to 'Go to Bragg boulevard and shake daddies little money maker for twenties stuffed into my undies'.
46. I am not authorized to fire officers.
47. I am not a citizen of Texas, and those other, forty-nine, lesser states.
48. I may not use public masturbation as a tool to demonstrate a flaw in a command decision.
49. Not allowed to trade military equipment for 'magic beans'.
50. Not allowed to sell magic beans during duty hours.
51. Not allowed to quote 'Dr Seuss' on military operations.
52. Not allowed to yell 'Take that Cobra' at the rifle range.
53. Not allowed to quote 'Full Metal Jacket ' at the rifle range.
54. 'Napalm sticks to kids' is *not* a motivational phrase.
55. An order to 'Put Kiwi on my boots' does *not* involve fruit.
56. An order to 'Make my Boots black and shiny' does not involve electrical tape.
57. The proper response to a lawful order is not 'Why?'
58. The following words and phrases may not be used in a cadence- Budding sexuality, necrophilia, I hate everyone in this formation and wish they were dead, sexual lubrication, black earth mother, all Marines are latent homosexuals, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerung, Korean hooker, Eskimo Nell, we've all got jackboots now, slut puppy, or any references to squid.
59. May not make posters depicting the leadership failings of my chain of command.
60. ‘The Giant Space Ants' are not at the top of my chain of command.
61. If one soldier has a 2nd Lt bar on his uniform, and I have an E-4 on mine It means he outranks me. It does not mean ‘I have been promoted three more times than you'.
62. It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission, no longer applies to Specialist Schwarz.
63. Command decisions do *not* need to be ratified by a 2/3 majority.
64. Inflatable novelties do *not* entitle me to BAQ or Separation pay.
65. There are no evil clowns living under my bed.
66. There is no ‘Anti-Mime' campaign in Bosnia.
67. I am not the Psychological Warfare Mascot.
68. I may not line my helmet with tin foil to ‘Block out the space mind control lasers'.
69. May not pretend to be a facist stormtrooper, while on duty.
70. I am not authorized to prescribe any form of medication.
71. I must not flaunt my deviances in front of my chain of command.
72. May not wear gimp mask while on duty.
73. No military functions are to be performed ‘Skyclad'.
74. Woad is not camouflage makeup.
75. May not conduct psychological experiments on my chain of command.
76. "Teddy Bear, Teddy bear, turn around" is *not* a cadence.
77. The MP checkpoint is not an Imperial Stormtrooper roadblock, so I should not tell them "You don't need to see my identification, these are not the droids you are looking for."
78. I may not call block my chain of command.
79. I am neither the king nor queen of cheese.
80. Not allowed to wear a dress to any army functions.
81. May not bring a drag queen to the battalion formal dance.
82. May not form any press gangs.
83. Must not start any SITREP (Situation Report) with "I recently had an experience I just had to write you about...."
84. Must not use military vehicles to ‘Squish' things.
85. Not allowed to make any Psychological Warfare products depicting the infamous Ft. Bragg sniper incident.
86. May not challenge anyone in my chain of command to the ‘field of honor'.
87. If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.
88. Must not refer to 1st Sgt as ‘Mom'.
89. Must not refer to the Commander as ‘Dad'.
90. Inflatable sheep do *not* need to be displayed during a room inspection.
91. I am not authorized to initiate Jihad.
92. When asked to give a few words at a military ceremony ‘Romper Bomper Stomper Boo' is probably not appropriate.
93. Nerve gas is not funny.
94. Crucifixes do not ward off officers, and I should not test that.
95. I am not in need of a more suitable host body.
96. ‘Redneck Zombies' is not a military training aid.
97. Gozer does not dwell in my refrigerator.
98. The proper response to a chemical weapon attack is not ‘Tell my chain of command what I really think about them, and then poke holes in their masks.'
99. A smiley face is not used to mark a minefield.
100. Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell new soldiers that they are.
101. I am not allowed to mount a bayonet on a crew-served weapon.
102. Rodents are not entitled to burial with full military honors, even if they are "casualties of war".
103. My commander is not old enough to have fought in the civil war, and I should stop implying that he did.
104. Vodka, green food coloring, and a ‘Cool Mint’ Listerine® bottle is not a good combination.
105. I am not allowed to bum cigarettes off of anyone under twelve.
106. I may not trade my rifle for any of the following: Cigarettes, booze, sexual favors, Kalishnikovs, Soviet Armored vehicles, small children, or bootleg CD’s.
107. Must not mock command decisions in front of the press.
108. Should not taunt members of the press, even if they are really fat, exceptionally stupid, and working for UPI.
109. I am not authorized to change national policy in Eastern Europe.
110. Never, ever, attempt to correct a Green Beret officer about anything.
111. I am not qualified to operate any US, German, Polish, or Russian Armored vehicles.
112. When saluting a ‘leg’ officer, an appropriate greeting is not "Airborne leads the wa- oh...sorry sir".
113. There is absolutely no need to emulate the people from ‘Full Monty’ every time I hear the song "Hot Stuff".
114. I cannot trade my CO to the Russians.
115. I should not speculate on the penis size of anyone who outranks me.
116. Crucifying mice - bad idea.
117. Must not use government equipment to bootleg pornography.
118. Burn pits for classified material are not revel fires - therefore it is wrong to dance naked around them.
119. I cannot arrest children for being rude.
120. An EO briefing is probably not the best place to unveil my newest off color joke.
121. I should not use government resources to ‘waterproof’ dirty magazines.
122. Radioactive material should not be stored in the barracks.
123. I should not teach other soldiers to say offensive and crude things in Albanian, under the guise of teaching them how to say potentially useful phrases.
124. Two drink limit does not mean first and last.
125. Two drink limit does not mean two kinds of drinks.
126. Two drink limit does not mean the drinks can be as large as I like.
127. ‘No Drinking Of Alcoholic Beverages’ does not imply that a Jack Daniel’s® IV is acceptable.
128. "Shpadoinkle" is not a real word.
129. The Microsoft® ‘Dancing Paperclip’ is not authorized to countermand any orders.
130. ‘I’m drunk’ is a bad answer to any question posed by my commander.
131. No dancing in the turret. This especially applies in conjunction with rule #113.
132. The loudspeaker system is not a forum to voice my ideas.
133. The loudspeaker system is not to be used to replace the radio.
134. The loudspeaker system is not to be used to broadcast the soundtrack to a porno movie.
135. An order to put polish on my boots means the whole boot.
136. Shouting ‘Let’s do the village! Let’s do the whole fucking village!’ while out on a mission is bad.
137. Should not show up at the front gate wearing part of a Russian uniform, messily drunk.
138. Even if my commander did it.
139. Must not teach interpreters how to make "MRE" bombs.
140. I am not authorized to sell mineral rights.
141. Not allowed to use a broadsword to disprove ‘The Pen is Mightier than the sword’.
142. 'Calvin-Ball' is not authorized PT.
143. I do not need to keep a 'range card' by my window.
144. 'K-Pot, LBE, and a thin coat of Break-free' is not an authorized uniform.
145. I should not drink three quarts of blue food coloring before a urine test.
146. Nor should I drink three quarts of red food coloring, and scream during the same.
147. I should not threaten suicide with pop rocks and Coke®.
148. Putting red 'Mike and Ike's'® into a prescription medicine bottle, and then eating them all
in a formation is not funny.
149. Must not create new DOD forms, then insist they be filled out.
150. On Sports Day PT, a wedgie is not considered a legal tackle.
151. The proper way to report to my Commander is 'Specialist Schwarz, reporting as ordered, Sir' not 'You can't prove a thing!'
152. The following items do not exist: Keys to the Drop Zone, A box of grid squares, blinker fluid, winter air for tires, canopy lights, or Chem-Light® batteries.
153. I should not assign new privates to 'guard the flight line'.
154. Shouldn't treat 'piss-bottles' with extra-strength icy hot.
155. Teaching Albanian children to taunt other soldiers is not nice.
156. I will no longer perform 'lap-dances' while in uniform.
157. If I take the uniform off, in the course of the lap-dance, it still counts.
158. The revolution is not now.
159. When detained by MP's, I do not have a right to a strip search.
160. No part of the military uniform is edible.
161. Bodychecking General officers is not a good idea.
162. Past lives have absolutely no effect on the chain of command.
163. Take that hat off.
164. There is no such thing as a were-virgin.
165. I do not get 'that time of month'.
166. No, the pants are not optional.
167. Not allowed to operate a business out of the barracks.
168. Especially not a pornographic movie studio.
169. Not even if they *are* 'especially patriotic films'.
170. Not allowed to 'defect' to OPFOR during training missions.
. On training missions, try not to shoot down the General's helicopter.
172. 'A full magazine and some privacy' is not the way to help a potential suicide.
173. I am not allowed to create new levels of security clearance.
174. Furby ® is not allowed into classified areas. (I swear to the gods, I did not make that up, it's actually DOD policy).
175. We do not 'charge into battle, naked, like the Celts'.
176. Any device that can crawl across the table on medium, does not need to be brought into the office.
177. I am not to refer to a formation as 'the boxy rectangle thingie'.
178. I am not 'A lesbian trapped in a man's body'.
179. On Army documents, my race is not 'Other'.
180. Nor is it 'Secretariat, in the third'.
181. Pokémon® trainer is not an MOS.
182. There is no FM for 'wall-to-wall counseling'.
183. My chain of command has neither the time, nor the inclination to hear about what I did with six boxes of Fruit Roll-Ups®.
184. When operating a military vehicle I may *not* attempt something 'I saw in a cartoon'.
185. My name is not a killing word.
186. I am not the Emperor of anything.
187. Must not taunt officers in the throes of nicotine withdrawal, with cigarettes.
188. May not challenge officers to 'Meet me on the field of honor, at dawn'.
189. Do not dare SERE graduates to eat bugs. They will always do it.
190. Must not make s'mores while on guard duty.
191. Our Humvees cannot be assembled into a giant battle-robot.
192. The proper response to a briefing is not 'That's what you think'.
193. The Masons, and Gray Aliens are not in our chain of command.
194. Shouldn't take incriminating photos of my chain of command.
195. Shouldn't use Photoshop® to create incriminating photos of my chain of command.
196. I am not allowed to give tattoos.
197. I am not allowed to sing 'Henry the VIII I am' until verse 68 ever again.
198. Not allowed to lead a 'Coup' during training missions.
199. I should not confess to crimes that took place before I was born.
200. My chain of command is not interested in why I 'just happen' to have a kilt, an inflatable sheep, and a box of rubber bands in the back of my car.
201. Must not valiantly push officers onto hand grenades to save the squad.
202. Despite the confusing similarity in the names, the "Safety Dance" and the "Safety Briefing" are never to be combined.
203. 'To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys" is a bad long term goal to give the re-enlistment NCO.
204. NEVER nail a stuffed bunny to a cross and put it up in front of the Battalion Headquarters sign as an "Easter Desecration."
205. Don't write up false gigs on a HMMWV PMCS. ("Broken clutch pedal", "Number three turbine has frequent flame-outs", "flux capacitor emits loud whine when engaged")
206. Not allowed to get shot.
207. The Chicken and Rice MRE is *not* a personal lubricant. (Skippy wanted this noted for the record that this is not something he has ever attempted or considered! It was something we heard at dinner on 22 September 2001 and it was just so obscene it had to go here.)
208. Not allowed to play into the deluded fantasies of the civilians who are "hearing conversations" from the NSA, FBI, CIA and KGB due to the microchip the aliens implanted in their brain.
209. An airsickness bag is to be used for airsickness *only*. (Also not a Skippy-ism...this was the same dinner.)
210. Must not make T-shirts up depicting a pig with the writing "Eat Pork or Die" in Arabic to bring as civilian attire when preparing to deploy to a primarily Muslim country.
211. Don't ask LTC Steele to sign my copy of Blackhawk Down.
212. Must not go on nine deployments in six years that require a security clearance that I don't have, even if the Army tells me repeatedly that I have one and I have no reason to question them.
213. Do not convince NCO's that their razorbumps are the result of microscopic parasites.

Help me get her out of my mind

I got this from one of my friend's blogs. He only seems to post once every few months, and this is what I found.

What does your name mean?

A: You like to drink.
B: You like people.
C: You are really silly.
D: You like to drink.
E: Damn good kisser.
F: You are dead sexy.
G: You never let people tell you what to do.
H: You have a very good personality and looks.
I: You Are Great in bed.
J: People Adore yOU
K: You're wild and crazy.
L: Everybody Loves You.
M: best kisser ever.
N: You like to drink.
O: awesome kisser.
P: You are popular with all types of people.
Q: You are a hypocrite.
R: Fuckin crazy.You like to drink.
S: Easy to fall in love with.
T: You're loyal to those you love.
U: You really like to chill.
V: You are not judgemental.
W: You are very broad minded.
X: You never let people tell you what to do.
Y: Best g/f b/f anyone could ever ask for.
Z: Always ready.

W: You are very broad minded.
E: Damn good kisser.
N: You like to drink.
D: You like to drink.
Y: Best girlfriend/boyfriend anyone could ever ask for.

So, what does yours mean?

Troubles so hard

Found this in my Sgt Grit newsletter this week. Read the whole letter here.

Here are some of the accomplishments in Iraq that occurred during the month of October, just in-case you missed them... And judging from the media reports you did.
BASRAH, Iraq, Oct. 2, 2006 — One of the greatest threats to the security of Iraq, and a common tactic of terrorists and insurgents, is the use of improvised explosive devices and mines.
BAGHDAD, Oct. 2, 2006 — The Iraqi Air Force is working to gain complete control of support operations from Coalition forces to add to the maintenance operations already under its charge.
AL ASAD, Iraq, Oct. 2, 2006 — Even though he's officially retired after four decades of government service, 72- year-old Jim Ruyak is at work every day serving in Iraq with the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers.
FORWARD OPERATING BASE KALSU, Iraq, Oct. 3, 2006 — Iraqi officials and Multi-National Division – Baghdad leaders transferred responsibility of Forward Operating Base Duke to Iraqi Security Forces during a press conference Oct. 1.
CAMP LIBERTY, Iraq, Oct. 4, 2006 — Only months away from completion, the pump tanks at "RT3" are still empty as Iraqi workers put the finishing touches on the high-tech water treatment facility that will distribute clean, fresh water to millions of Baghdad area residents at the astonishing pace of 30 million gallons per day.
CAMP LIBERTY, Iraq, Oct. 5, 2006 —The classroom is not sterile or high-tech, but what is taught there will help enable Iraqi engineers to bring their army's communication systems into the 21st century.
BAGHDAD, Oct. 5, 2006— Senior U.S. officials in Iraq are calling a four-point plan released Oct. 3 by Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki to halt sectarian violence "a significant step in the right direction."
CAMP LIBERTY, Iraq, Oct. 11, 2006 —Billy Blanks, fitness guru, martial artist, actor and creator of Tae Bo, a fitness program that combines Tae Kwon Do moves and boxing with dance music, made a stop at the 4th Infantry Division Field House, Oct. 5.
BAGHDAD, Oct. 11, 2006 — Iraqi army soldiers, working in conjunction with Multi-National Division – Baghdad (MND-B) soldiers, executed Operation Half Nelson Oct. 4, which was designed to build trust between Iraqi civilians and MND-B forces and eliminate terrorist threats in Baghdad's Hurriyah neighborhood.
HAMRIN, Iraq, Oct. 11, 2006 — Water can be a scarce resource in many regions of Iraq. However, there are some areas, namely along the Tigris and Euphrates river valleys, that thrive because of the direct access to water.
BAGHDAD, Oct. 12, 2006 — "There is no such thing as a perfect crime, as there are always clues left behind" is a phrase that is often echoed in police circles all around the world. Detectives and analysts say a good forensics investigation will always lead to the perpetrator.
KIRKUK, Iraq, Oct. 13, 2006 —Two schools re-opened here Oct. 12 after being renovated as part of a program in which they will serve as models for other schools in the area.
FORWARD OPERATING BASE KALSU, Iraq, Oct. 16, 2006— Multi-National Division – Baghdad soldiers delivered an assortment of equipment and goods to the Muehla Agricultural Union, Oct. 9.
CAMP TAJI, Iraq, Oct. 17, 2006— On a typical day at the Tarmiya Medical Clinic, patients and clinic workers witnessed a not-so-typical grand opening of a new surgical and pregnancy wing, Oct. 10. Ministry of Health personnel, local council members and soldiers from the 1st Brigade Combat Team, 4th Infantry Division hosted the event.
CAMP TAJI, Iraq, Oct. 23, 2006 — After a remarkable year of retaining more than 560 soldiers while serving in Iraq, the 4th Infantry Division Combat Aviation Brigade Retention office is at it again.
BAGHDAD, Oct. 23, 2006— Multi-National Division – Baghdad soldiers conducted a humanitarian aid mission Oct. 13 in Baghdad's Karkh district.
BAGHDAD, Oct. 23, 2006 — Everybody knows the bad news: In September, the lights were on in Baghdad for around four hours a day. One study has October's levels so far at 2.4, the lowest since the invasion.
BAGHDAD, Oct. 24, 2006— Three representatives from police and fire departments in Austin, Texas, met with Iraqi emergency services officials, Oct. 18, to discuss ways to better improve existing Iraqi emergency medical systems. The meeting was held at the Adnan Palace in central Baghdad.
RUSHDI MULLA, Iraq, Oct. 25, 2006—The first few were hesitant, coming in by ones and twos, but soon the floodgates opened and the citizens of Rushdi Mullah came from all over town to receive medical care Oct. 19 at a Multi-National Division – Baghdad medical operation.
FORWARD OPERATING BASE BRASSFIELD-MORA, Iraq, Oct. 27, 2006— Iraqi Army soldiers discovered multiple weapons caches during joint patrols with paratroopers from Company D, 2nd Battalion, 505th Parachute Infantry Regiment, 82nd Airborne Division, Oct. 21-22, in a village north of Samarra, Iraq.
CAMP LIBERTY, Iraq, Oct. 30, 2006 — The arrival of 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 1st Infantry Division, to the Multi- National Division – Baghdad area of operation during the second and third week of October marked the beginning of a deployment for a brigade – and the end for another.
CAMP TAJI, Iraq, Oct. 31, 2006 — As international headlines report sectarian violence across Baghdad and the cities in the surrounding region, Iraqi Security Forces and Multi-National Division – Baghdad soldiers at Camp Taji, north of Baghdad, are working together to re-establish a level of security that will allow local residents to return safely to Saab al Bour.
BAGHDAD, Iraq, Oct. 31, 2006 — It was a terrible scenario. A suicide bomber attack in Fallujah, Iraq, had injured a 21-year-old Marine. He suffered multiple burns to his face and hands, and blast injuries to his right arm with shrapnel embedded in his leg. But the worst part was shrapnel in his right eye, causing bleeding and a chance of retinal detachment, which would mean loss of sight.
Gunnery Sergeant
Michael W. Davis USMCR
Public Relations
Sgt Grit
Marine Specialties

Word Up

OK, I usually post this on my MSN blog, but I found quite a few funny stories in last weeks' newsletter, so I thought I'd pass them on. Read the newsletter in full here.
First, a note about today:
We have Marines and other military fighting and dying attempting to bring democracy to a foreign country. What will you be doing on November 7? In Iraq, even attempting to vote can get you or a relative assassinated. Through two plus centuries, freedom is one of the things Marines have fought, bled and died for. File your absentee ballot or wear your gear to the polls and vote for the candidate of your choice. Don't like any of the choices? Write in your own name. This nation has been well served by Marines and Marine Family. We need more of those people in Washington.
s/f Dennis Benson
Proud Marine Dad

Don't know how funny this is to anyone else, but I get a chuckle every time I think of it. While standing guard late on night at the weapons armory outside the fence and my partner inside the fence at Camp Horno area at Camp Pendleton, I observed a Marine getting kind of close to the armory. In good Marine Corps guard fashion, I yelled "Halt, who goes there? The Marine said 'Officer of the Day.' Being someone who likes to 'rock the boat' sometimes, I decided to play a little game with the obviously a 2nd Lt. I replied, 'Officer of the Day not recognized, Sir, Place your ID on the ground in front of you, take 10 steps back and get into the pushup position, sir.' Officer of the day did as I requested and once in the pushup position, I approached and picked up his ID card and proceeded to question him to verify it was him on the military ID card with the indefinite expiration date. He was able to answer my questions along with looking like the young LT on the ID card. I allowed him to stand up and reported my post as being secure.
Little did I know, he then went to the Sgt of the Guard and gave me an ATTA BOY! Not the response I expected, but as I look back, he was not an officer with a holier than thou attitude as many were and respect him for that. Sir, wherever you are, Thank You.
Cpl Wayne Duprey
Golf 2/1, 1st Mar Div
1977-1981
PS – Love the quote from Albert Einstein, "The world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who do not do anything about it."
OOH RAH!

Don
My name is Paul Laskodi, Capt (Ret) U.S.M.C. I was wondering if ya could help in any way. I live in a sub-division called Remington Point, in Fort Worth, TX. The sales rep for KHovaininan homes is a young lady who thinks she is a commanding general. All of 24 years old. In the past they would fly our flag outside the sales office 24-7. Prior to her arrival I had the same issue with other reps. I explained the proper etiquette for flying the flag at night. They didn't listen and the flags came down. Yes! I took them. I had quite a collection and gave them to military friends. Two weeks ago they had another lapse and 2 more flags came down. The young lady came to my house and proceeded to give my wife the 3rd degree. I naturally stopped off at the sales office to give the young general a safety lecture as well as an education on how to display the flag. She asked that in the future, a simple reminder would sure help, if the lights were out. I agreed. Well............Today while going to work at O dark thirty, I notice the lights were out again. While on my way home I stopped off and kindly informed the young lady that the lights were out. She became upset and said that it was impossible. I said I wasn't there to argue. Just to inform as instructed. I was walking out to inform the other builder sales rep that their lights were out as well.......... The young lady followed behind and said "There is nothing that says we have to take that flag down". I stopped, turned around, and said "Don't take it down", and walked away. I had finished with the other builder sales rep, when the young general came walking across the street and in a loud voice said "How dare you disrespect me" (there were now two vehicles with people outside them in ear-shot of all that was being said) I asked her not to shout at me and please get away. She said "I'll have you arrested, and I'll call the police right now. I informed her that I spent 20 years defending MY flag and knew that at some point I might have to lay down my life for it, and if she thought that calling the police would intimidate me.......she was dead wrong I went home and then attended to some customers (I own a Blinds business) . My wife called to inform me that there were two police cars in front of our house at different times. I drove by the sales office on my way home and notice that the flag was still flying and it was dark. I intend to take the flag down on my way to work in the AM...so this might be the last bit of correspondence for a while. Take care and God Bless.......Semper Fi paul_44253 @ yahoo .com Paul S. LaskodiU.S.M.C. RetiredSemper Fi

Sgt. Grit, You were looking for a humorous story. This is something that happened to me a few years ago while I was visiting Parris Island. I was going through training at the Federal Law Enforcement Training Center at what was once NAS Glynco, GA. One weekend I drove up to Parris Island. I'm a Hollywood Marine, having gone through training at MCRD San Diego in 1974 and I was curious on what type of sunglasses the recruits at MCRD Parris Island were issued.I was in the PX stocking up on Marine Corps logo gear. Unlike the days when I was a recruit, the recruits these days are allowed to go to the PX a few days before their graduation. On this day there were several female recruits in the PX. I got into the check out line behind several of the female recruits and was wondering if the line was reserved just for the recruits. I said to the young lady in front of me, "Excuse me, miss. Is this check out line just for the recruits or can I also be in line?" She turned around and snapped to attention and in a louder than normal voice replied, "Sir. No sir. This line is for anyone, sir." She had so much snap and pop in her reply. I said to her in a very easygoing tone, "Miss, you don't have to address me as sir. I'm just a retired Marine first sergeant" at which time her eyes got bigger, she snapped back to attention, and in a louder voice replied "Sir! Yes, Sir!" I realized that during her training she might not have even met a first sergeant. The highest ranking enlisted may have been her senior drill instructor, possibly a staff sergeant. I said to her, "You're going to make a good Marine. My best wishes for you." I then decided to find another line. I didn't want to be responsible for undoing weeks of training by her DI's. Besides, her motivation, bearing, and enthusiasm intimidated the heck out of me. They don't make recruits like they use to. Nope. They make them better. Semper FidelisHenry Miyashita1stSgt, USMC 1974-1994

A Col. and a LCpl are sitting in the barber shop both getting a haircut. The Barber finishes the Col hair and asks if the Col would like some after shave lotion. The Col replies "H#ll no, If I came home smelling like that my wife will think I've been hanging out in a French Whorehouse". The second Barber asks the LCpl if he'd like any aftershave lotion. The LCpl replies "Yes please, MY WIFE doesn't know what a French Whorehouse smells like".-God Bless the Lcpl's

I appreciate your newsletter so much! I entered the USMC, (or as I liked to call us: Uncle Sam's Misguided Children!) on April 21, 1975, and was discharged on July 2, 1982. Those were seven great years that I would not change for anything. I too have tried to get back in, but like so many, at 52 I'm too old. I have fond and humorous memories of my time in the Corps. One of the strangest was while at Parris Island during boot camp. I was in platoon 342. I entered the Corps just six months after I was ordained as a Baptist minister. I prayed a lot during boot camp. After a particularly trying day, I had gotten in my rack and was doing some talking to the Lord when I realized I really needed to make a head call....bad! As most of you remember, in order to make a head call, you had to have the DI's permission. I got up, went to the DI's door, slapped the red square with my hand and shouted: "LORD!, private Harrell requests permission to make a head call sir!". For some reason, the DI had a very strange look on his face when the door opened, and then the smile as he saw this red faced private standing there in his skivvies. Thank you for the service you are doing for our Corps through your newsletter. I read it from my church office religiously. SincerelySSgt R. S. HarrellAviation Radio Technician1975-1982

Sgt. Grit, Thank you for the newsletter...I get a boost every time I see it in my inbox. I was a recruit at Parris Island in 1983. The big thing at 3rd Bn was 'mountain climbers'. As we all know, these things can wear a recruit out quickly, if done correctly. Our hammer was Sgt. McKnight...Masochist McKnight is what we called him, but I digress. Sgt McKnight was wearing out a recruit on the quarterdeck one afternoon...pushup, sit-up, pushup, sit-up, mountain climb. After a bit, Sgt McKnight walked around a rack to discipline another recruit in the squad bay and apparently forgot about the original recruit on the quarterdeck he left performing mountain climbers. By the time Sgt. McKnight got back to the recruit on the quarterdeck, the recruit had completely stopped and was standing at attention, albeit sweating profusely. Sgt. McKnight charges the recruit, stops, points the infamous index finger in the recruit's face, and at the very top of his lungs, bellows out "I thought I told you to mountain climb?!". The recruit crisply responds back at the top of his lungs, "Sir, this recruit reached the top of the mountain, Sir." A sliver of a smirk appeared on Sgt. McKnight's face and then he barked, "Well, go back down and climb it again." The recruit, "Aye sir." Sgt. John Couturier1983-1988, 3rd Marine Air Wing 1988-1990, Drill Instructor 2nd Bn, MCRD San Diego

In your request for some humor I have a story that I laughed my boots off when it happened. Others as told thought yuck. Here goes. I was attached to HQBN north of DaNang. It was summer of 68 if memory is correct. We were on sandbag detail. Filling bukkoo sandbags and beefing up the bunker around the comm center. There was one guy who always would cop you can of pop (soda) from the fridge in the comm center, always. So this day the big ole boy from Texas decided to spit his chew juice into an open top pop can. About two thirds full, Tex placed this can in the fridge. We all kept working keeping one eye on ole Dick G. waiting,, just knowing he would eventually go for a beverage. Well about a half hour went by and then there goes Dick G. We all positioned ourselves where we could watch. And then as Dick G. grabbed the can from the fridge, turned to walk out of the comm center, took that ever so large gulp of what he thought was thirst quenching pop and as he hit the door we all scattered to avoid the eruption of what was coming out of Dick's mouth. Well after about 5 minutes of watching Dick G. toss everything he had eaten for two days we went back to work. Ever few minutes though there was a few more out loud chuckles. Well, after that you could leave your open can of pop anywhere and it was safe from good ole Dick G. Dick Weber, Veteran Cpl. USMC DaNang RVN67 Nov - 69 JulyIn Remembrance of BOB HOPE. Thank You MR. HOPE

Sgt Grit I was a DI, San Diego MCRD, From 1974 thru 1976. I had a recruit that was really slow and did not seem to be all there. No matter what we did he would foul it up. I finally asked him where he was from and why he join my Marine Corps. His response was. Sir, the Private is from Amarillo Texas and the Private thought it was going to be like Gomer Pyle on TV. Needless to say his time in the Marine Corps was short lived and NOT like Gomer Pyle, if you get my drift! Paul J. DeLaricheliereUSMC 1971 - 1979, SSgtUSMCR 1979 - 1999, CWO3 P.S. Yes they did learn to say and spell my name correctly.

Devil Dogs, Here it is you asked for an amusing story, well here is one of mine. Back in the fist Gulf War, I was stationed at the Port of Al Jubail, Saudi Arabia. I was told that the government paid for a cruise ship to be docked at a neighboring country - Bahrain (sp) for some R&R for all the troops. It was in Bahrain because Saudi was a dry country (no alcohol), at least until we got there - that's a totally different story; maybe for another time. Anyway, here we are on this docked cruise ship, just livin' it up. I was there with about 15 other Marines from my Battalion (2nd Supply Bn.), and most wanted to go into this little town near the ship. So here we are, a gaggle of jar heads in some foreign country just wandering about. Idle hands seem to find mischief.... We weren't supposed to bring any alcohol off the ship, but you know how things go. This little town wasn't anything to write home about, but at least we were out of the base for a while, and got to be quasi normal for a few hours. As we were going from little shop to little shop, we walked into a fabric store that had rows of bolts of cloth about 4' tall all standing upright. Well being my wise azz self, I saw a small bolt of black fabric. So I bent down and picked up the corner of this seemingly innocent black fabric. I put it to my face like I was wearing the traditional garment worn by the local women. Just then to my surprise as well as hers, that small black bolt of fabric turned around. It wasn't an innocent bolt of fabric at all, it was actually a short local woman buying fabric to make other garments. She turned to me, her eyes were as big as saucers, and she looked scared. I was pretty well freaked out too. Here I am holding the bottom of this ladies dress to my nose, remembering the stories of how criminals get there hands cut off and crap. For a few seconds we both just froze and stared at each other. I didn't know what to do... I've never been in a situation like that. Then my buddy said, "You might want to give the lady her clothes back!" I promptly apologized and then dropped her dress. Needless to say, we spent the better part of the rest of the trip laughing about that. Even today, I can't go into a fabric store with out a chuckle or two. Thanks for the Newsletter. Semper Fi Marines - keep up the good work! Cpl. Ross P. 1988 - 1992

Hey Sgt Grit, Glad to see a request for some good ol' funny stories. One event in particular comes to mind that I think everyone will be able to relate to a little. This actually happened to a buddy of mine but I get a kick out of it every time I tell it, of course giving him the credit. I'm sure everyone had someone they called "alphabet" as a nickname because the actual name of the person looked like it was spelled from a line in a word hunt puzzle. Well my buddy was acting as scribe marking down discrepancies for the Platoon Sgt during an Alpha's inspection. The Sgt asked the young Marine where he was from, which the Marine answered – Ohio. At the same time the inspecting Sgt asked the question he was looking for the name stamp on the inside of the Marine's cover, which was there and prompted him to say "D*mn, how do you pronounce that?"! The Marine being inspected, completely serious, in exaggerated pronunciation said "O –H –I –O ". My buddy said it took every ounce of concentration he had to keep his bearing. I think the young Marine got a little stronger that day.. Marc Valois Sgt of Marines 92-00 Semper Fi