lots of mail

I don't know how to make myself happy anymore. I thought I was tired because I was working too much and then I stopped working so much. Then I thought I needed a day with friends, and then I went and spent a day with a friend shopping. So, then I thought it was because I needed time off work, I'm back to my regular schedule now that it's September, so I had the 6-9 off and then the 13th, the 15th and 16th, the 20the and 21st. But I'm still grumpy. I wonder if it's because I need to go out walking, but I don't really walk a ton unless I'm garage saleing and nothing is either in my area or sounds worth it to talk me into going out. It could be the pop thing, when I was working a ton, I had pop to look forward to, because I needed something to get me through the day. I did have a Mountain Dew on the 11th because of a stressful day at work. I'm *trying* to drink more water, but we're back to not liking the taste. I don't drink that much during the day. At least when I was drinking pop I was drinking liquids, when I just have the water and milk, I don't drink near as much.

I do enjoy getting mail, but the other day (further down in this post) I got 5 packages in the mail, but then I opened them and I wasn't as excited. I've cut back on what I send in my mail group because other people are so behind on sending me stuff. I don't see the point of spending so much money getting things out if I'm not getting things back.

Anywho, found this package on my steps as I wandered off to supper on Wednesday night.

 It's a dollar store tag. I like it, because I've already bought these, but then I'm also bummed because I already have these. Now that my Dollar Tree is getting better stuff in, I don't get much interesting/different stuff on these tags/swaps.
Thursday, I had my 5 package day, but like I said once I opened them, not so exciting.

 This one is for a Favorites tag. I like them, but that flower one at the top is obviously used because there's barely anything on the roll. I shop my own stash, too, but I have a ton of stuff that's brand new that I send people, especially when you're supposed to for a tag.

 This one is for a Dollar store $5 swap. We were supposed to pick at least $5 of items for this swap. I'm not very happy about most of it being fall/Halloween. I'm not a fan of Halloween, and even less a fan of crafting for Halloween. I'll never use the stencil, the napkins will be going to the library, I'm planning on mailing the leaves out for a fall tag. But, maybe this person read what was posted on my mail group: swapping isn't about sending what other people want.

 This one was a fall decorated washi tube. If it was a Halloween decorated washi tube I wouldn't have signed up, so I was a bit annoyed that it was mostly Halloween themed. She did include a bunch of nice crafting stuff in the tube, but I think I'll be filling the tube with Halloween stuff and sending it off in another swap.

 This is for the letter U tag. I had a hard time with this tag, so I like the creativity of using  University of Kentucky, but did the whole package have to be themed around it? I almost joined the magnet tag to send the magnet to someone else.

This one was for a this or that tag. Basically the other person lists two things they're willing to send and you pick one. I picked 50 loose stickers. I'm annoyed that most of them are kiddie stickers. That's the reason I stopped participating in other sticker tags, people just seem to send kid's stuff.

I know I should be happy that people are sending me stuff. But, when it's stuff I'm not gonna use for anything I'm just collecting more stuff, I don't need more stuff.

I didn't do much of anything productive on Thursday, mostly just sat in front of the computer and watched a bunch of movies. 

Friday, I finished a book, that felt really long but was only 318 pages. It was so nice to ignore the world and get lost in a book. I forget how much things give me pleasure when I don't do them very often. Maybe I need to get back to doing the things that give me pleasure and not spend so much time in front of the computer. Hah! Good luck with that.

This is another this or that tag. I chose Gorjuss girl stamped images. I just wanted to know what was so cool about them. I'm not impressed, I'll probably pass them off to someone else, but that's fine.
My parents are going on a cruise for a few weeks and my mom asked if I would water the plants for them, I'm not sure why. She normally asks someone in their building to do it, which I believe is more convenient for everyone. She said she had asked so and so twice already, I could have said maybe you shouldn't go on vacation so much, this is their 3rd one since the start of July. Anywho, she texted me last night asking when she could drop off a key. She could have just left it in my mailbox, which would have been easier for everyone. But, she texted me when I was reading my book, so I wasn't paying attention to anything else. I texted back that I'd come by this morning about 10. So, I wonder over there and knock on their door, which I know they're home cause I can hear a tv or something going on. No one answers, so I text that I'm there. She comes out, gives me the key and I see my dad's in the kitchen watching/listening to his Ipad, so loud he couldn't hear the door, plus he's got hearing issues. After giving me the key, she says I was trying to connect with the airline company, I hope I still have a connection. As if I'm wasting her time, I told her I'd be there at 10, it was 9:57 when I knocked, maybe you shouldn't start something three minutes before someone's coming over. She's also supposed to be writing instructions up, I'm watering plants, how hard can it be? She hadn't done that yet, but would email me them, they're leaving sometime today. And then she hands me a coupon of Kohl's cash that has to be used next week. She says don't throw away this money. I probably spent all of 10 minutes tops with her and she annoyed the crap out of me. I know I should do this out of the goodness of my heart because they are my parents, but if you know the history of me and my parents, you'd understand.

Venting

So, it's supposed to be the time of giving, and joy and being nice to people right? Someone needs to tell my mother that. She's been on me lately to clean my apartment (it doesn't live up to her standards of clean). I have plenty of walking space (it's actually a lot better lately), and I have lots of piles of stuff everywhere, most likely because I have too much stuff. Anyways, she told me the other day, it was time for me to start keeping it like other people keep their homes. She's saying this having not been in my apartment for a long time, but knowing I'm messy.
I was chatting with some co-workers the other day, and asking why she cared so much. One of my co-workers said it's because I'm her daughter, it sets a bad image for her. We're supposed to be having a carpenter come in and hang a new bathroom door in my apartment (another thing just for her), and she's all about looks and what people think just by looks. This carpenter, has been in my apartment before when it has been much worse, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't really care, and (like my coworker said) has seen a lot worse.
Anywho, I was being nice to my mother tonight (which I should really stop doing, because every time I'm nice to her, she comes back and bites me in the ass), and giving her the movie The Help to borrow, and showing her the cool steampunk charms I got in the mail today (see them here). She brings up the carpenter and how I need to clean my apartment before he comes. I said I cleaned it up for my dad the other day (he's legally blind), and she says that she would gladly come up and take a look at it (this is generally where I get quiet, because no matter what I say, I can never win or get my way in a conversation). Tonight, I said it would never be up to her standards. She asked if it was clean like this pointing to the floor and family room where there are no piles on the floor, because she doesn't buy a lot of stuff or she shoves it all in her craft/junk room and shuts the door, can't even go there in a conversation, she'd have some excuse for that. I of course said no, and again she said I needed to keep my apartment like others do. This morning I was chatting again with coworkers and they said they would take pictures of theirs and send them to me, I told her that and she said bring it on. To which I shut up, took my stuff and left. By the time I got out the door, I was crying, she does such a good job of doing that to me.

I'm not stressed this time of year. I've had all my shopping done and presents wrapped for awhile. I only get stressed when people (like my mom or things at work) happen or say things that I can't control. And, I'm saying to myself now, what I say to myself at work when patrons get too annoying. "And we're smiling, and we're breathing"

Venting

I don't understand why my parents are paying to make sure my plumbing works. It does. They never used to have a plumber come in and look at stuff, only after we redid my bathroom do they do that. Wouldn't you think if my plumbing didn't work I'd tell them?
I just got yelled at by my dad because I didn't get my dishes done, and I had a sink full of dishes when the plumbing guy came in today, that I knew for awhile, and why hadn't I done my dishes.
I swear, my parents pay for the stupidest things these days.
They pay for the pest control to come through twice a year, to spray for bugs, that we don't have. We had an infestation of carpenter ants when I was a kid, and when you live in an old house that's mostly made out of wood, that's really bad. So, ever since we had that happen, the pest control guy comes twice a year.
They pay to have random shit done throughout that house, that really doesn't need to be done. Like carpentry stuff, my mom decided a few years ago that I needed a bedroom door, there's never been a bedroom door up here, and it's open 90% of the time, but she paid our (now, we have a single carpenter that we go to, that takes way too much time to get things done) carpenter to put the door in. All that entials is drilling holes for the hinges and attaching the door to the wall, oh and putting a doorknob in it, and of course we need a lock in that door, and it needs to look old, cause we live in an old house.
Now, she's hired him to replace my bathroom door. So, it's crappy and looks like someone punched it once, and now that the trim is squared up, it doesn't close properly. She found an old door and we leaned it up against the other one, and it looked fine. It needs to be stripped and painted (can't just paint it cause we have to have it done the right way, even though I'll end up doing it and I don't want the damn thing), before the carpenter can put it in, which just means add hinges and a handle again. And since he didn't do it right away, the damn thing has been sitting in my bedroom, leaned up against my mirror, which I can't use, in the way. It's too big for one person (me) to move back down the stairs to the garage, I finally stuck it under my bed the other day.

OK, so I'm really just annoyed about the plumbing thing. It's interesting how my parents complain about money and then spend it on stupid ways.

Need some advice

So, today I went to get my eyes checked (has been almost 4 years), and I was chatting with the optician about how my current medical insurance didn't cover eyes, so that's why I hadn't gotten it done. To which he talked about eyes being the most important and how money shouldn't matter, etc, etc, etc. Which I get, eyes are very important, but when you don't have a lot of money, the things that cost the most, don't get done.
Anyways, I was checking out new frames because my prescription changed (I asked my mother to come along for another opinion), and we didn't have any, because I have a tiny head (I usually end up with kids glasses). Afterward, I was going to schedule a dialation (where they put drops in your eyes, and the pupils get bigger, so they can see parts of the eyes, they explain it, but I never really understand.), anyways my mother said I should wait and see about costs at the Wolfe Eye Clinic (the place I used to go) because they have my family history and other things. To me it sounded like she just didn't want me to go to this cheaper place. She is against change (which is where I get it from), but she also said it was an optician and this place and an optometrist at Wolfe. I'm not entirely sure what the difference is between them. But I was also saying that the Wolfe place is in the middle of nowhere, and she said how location shouldn't have any impact on where I went. Pretty much meaning, she would drive me out there. Only thing is, I know she will complain the whole way out there and back about having to drive me and other stuff.
I'm trying to figure out how much of her argument is against change, and how much is what I should actually listen to.
One of the funny things is, if I lived anywhere else, anywhere I went wouldn't have all my family history either, so I think part of that argument doesn't work.
I honestly am not sure what to do. I know I will have to call Wolfe and see what their prices are, and figure it out from there. But I really don't know what to do, any suggestions?

UGH!!!

I love it how my parents think I have no life. If I'm not working (and they always want to know my schedule) than I'm obviously not doing anything else. I must just be sitting here and doing nothing. My dad got a new computer recently (it was supposed to be a birthday present, his birthday was in Feb, and it finally came on Wed), anyways, Kevin came back and we spent Wed afternoon and Thurs together, but my dad calls on Thurs in the afternoon, and I happened to be in Des Moines and not hear my phone ring. Then he calls last night after I get home from work, and my phone was in the other room and I still didn't hear it ring (I wasn't ignoring him, I really didn't hear it ring), and then called about 10 minutes ago, and was annoyed when I told him I had something else going on this morning. You'd think they would want me to have a life. But, I've noticed my parents tend to have that effect on me, they love saying things that would get me upset. On Wed, when the computer was supposed to be delivered, they wanted to make sure I was downstairs (I live on the 3rd floor of their house), waiting for it, because it would have to be signed for. Granted I was downstairs doing laundry IN THE MORNING, any time after that, they would have been SOL, but since I wasn't working, I obviously had nothing better to do with my time.
Today, I do have an art project I am way overdue in making (it's from the OWOH giveaway on my other blog, that was almost a month ago, and my life got in the way, I've finally started it, go over to that blog to see how far I haven't gotten, it's at the bottom of the post), and I need to do something at the mall, plus I need to go grocery shopping. My parents are only happy that I work part-time, when I can help them with stuff, they'd be so screwed if I worked full-time (which I'd love to do if I knew what I wanted to do).
OK, now that I've ranted and gotten that out of my system, I have stuff to do.

UGH!

It hasn't been a fun week, well, except Sunday, Sunday was fun.
Sunday was my mother's family Christmas, and that was fun, with the food, the family, and the activities.

Monday I check my voicemail after work and find out my dad's in the hospital with kidney stones, and of course it's crappy weather outside.
Tuesday it's still really cold out and decides to snow while I'm at work, not a lot of snow, but with it being so cold I wasn't going out to shovel.
Wednesday, my dad has surgery to remove kidney stones.
Thursday I got to scrape the 1+ inches of packed snow off the driveway for 2 hours, that wasn't fun.
Friday, I don't really remember Friday except that the store had a really good day.
Saturday I was woken up early with abdominal pains, so painful I couldn't go to work and had to try and find a sub, but it being the Sat before Christmas, everyone who wasn't already working was busy. So, today I get to see what that does to me. I had pretty severe abdominal pains until about 3:30 pm, they'd come for a few minutes and be so painful, I'd double over and then they'd go away. Since kidney stones were on all our minds I was drinking lots of water and peeing a lot. Around 3:30, dad and I went grocery shopping because I needed food, and the pain was not going to get in the way of that. Then mom and I went to the mall to find a present for dad. I didn't really have any pain until maybe after 6pm, but it was very tiny, and I try not to make my parents worry, so I didn't mention it.
Had a few small pains for the rest of the night and then went to bed. Woke up at 2AM with a severe pain, went the bathroom and did some not so nice stuff, went back to bed at 2:30 and haven't been in pain since, though I did do some more not so nice stuff in the bathroom this morning.
I'm thinking it was food poisoning, because I had a frozen dinner of salmon on Fri before heading to work, and the salmon didn't cook all the way through, but I was impatient and ate it anyway. I was thinking it was kidney problems before this morning. Personally, I have no idea, but I have decided I will be going to work today. I missed out on 4.5 hrs pay yesterday and had no one to fill in for me, that's not happening today.

Hopefully, this next week will be tons better. It's gonna be Christmas, it has to be better.

Please take a moment today and give some prayers to the families of the 4 officers killed in Washington over the weekend. It's a horrible tragedy and I hope they catch the asshole who did and I hope he resists arrest cause he really needs a beating.
My mother's reaction to this story was that they needed to do away with all guns. But, if we're going to get rid of all guns what about the police officers, what do they use to protect themselves. I realize (at least I'm guessing here), she didn't mean their guns, but the criminals will always find a way to do what they want. And that means taking the guns away from the law-abiding citizens that use them to protect themselves. My parents and I very much differ on our opinions of guns, I hope someday to have a safe full of guns in my house with one either under my pillow or in my bedside table. As long as you use your gun for legal activities, there's nothing wrong with owning one, of course you also need to know how to use it, I wouldn't recommend anyone just going out and getting a gun for protection if you don't take the time to learn about and how to use it, that's an accident waiting to happen. I think (purely speculating here), that my parents don't like guns is because they know next to nothing about them, my mom did shoot a gun during the citizen's police academy, but as far as I know that's the only time she's shot one, I don't think my dad's shot one at all. But, time and again my dad has said he does not want guns in the house. I bet he'd be thinking something different if someone broke into the house and assaulted one of us. I don't want that to happen, but in today's world, it can easily happen. My parents still believe that my town is safe enough to leave your doors unlocked and you don't have to worry about anyone breaking in or anything bad happening. Getting my degree in criminal justice taught me a lot about crime and knowing the officers and having my boyfriend who used to work with them, I have learned a lot about the crime in my town, and it's not tiny town crime. We still have armed robberies and domestic assaults, unfortunately, people like my parents feel that if they ignore it, it doesn't actually happen. Minds like those I believe make things worse in my community.

Didn't mean to ramble, the reason for my post was to get you to think about those officers. It's sad they can't sit down and do work without having to worry about an idiot coming up and shooting them. Keep them and their families in your prayers and thoughts.

What a beautiful day

My mom kept saying this afternoon what a beautiful day it was. I agree with her now that my day is pretty much over.
It started at about 7:30 AM when I got up to check email. Kevin called me a little before 8 and asked if I wanted to go to HyVee's breakfast, we went, ate and came back. He took a shower and we entertained ourselves with a little extra curricular activity then he went to sleep and I went to mow the lawn. At about 1:15 when I was done with the lawn, I took a shower then me and dad went on the local home tour. We got done about 4 with that, I took a nap and then woke Kevin up and we had some more extra curricular activity and a shower. About 6 we picked dad up from campus and went to supper at Valentino's. Kevin left from there for work and dad I just got home.
Yes, it was a very beautiful day.

Why bother?

My parents are giant hypocrites. They always say that I shouldn't take more than a 5 minute shower because it wastes water. This morning I was about to go down to do my laundry (I use their laundry room because I live on the 3rd floor of their house), the shower is in the laundry room, I'm about to go downstairs and I hear the water running. I wait about 5 minutes (one song on Windows Media Player) and go back and still hear the water running, I went back after another song, and the water shuts off. I decide to give them a little more time to get dressed, the next time I go back I hear the water running again. I know I'm going to have to wait another 10 minutes for the 2nd shower. At least when Kevin and I have to both take a shower, we take it together and save water. What's so wrong with that? It's not like they don't have enough room, their shower is at least twice as big as mine if not more. A couple weeks ago, I went down to do my laundry and my dad was in the shower, mom said go ahead and put your clothes in the washer, now I know there's a door on the shower but I still don't want to worry about looking at anything. And last week when I went down, Ross was in the shower and mom wanted to know what I was waiting for, as if she was in some kind of hurry.
I don't know why she would care how long it would take me, it's not like she was going to use the washer. Though they have done that before, they say I need to ask them 8 hours ahead, I always do, but sometimes I'll come down and they have laundry in the washer, or like last week, in the dryer. What's the point of me asking, if you're just gonna do your laundry anyway?

I just went down to put my laundry in and the dryer was running and there was a load of wet laundry in the washer. I gave them all day yesterday to do their laundry and the decided they needed to do some this morning. I highly doubt anything became that dirty during the night, but if it did, they're always up earlier than me, what stopped them from doing it earlier? It's so annoying that I follow their rules but they can just fuck me over when they want to do something. Maybe their point is to annoy me enough to move out, push me to get a full time job, as if I'm not looking anyway. Somedays I just want to.........something I'm not going to say on here, because someone will take it seriously.

Underneath this Amarillo Sky

Reading one of the blogs I follow got me thinking on something today. The author talks about how his wife and he talked to his daughter about sex.
Kevin and I were discussing a few things the other day, one them being how my parents never talked to me about anything serious. I never recall my mother talking about relationships with guys, periods or other stuff that goes on with a girl's body as she gets older, sex, not even a simple thing as credit cards and dealing with money.
I was telling Kevin how, when I was around 11 or 12, my mother gave me a book called What's Happening to my Body Book for Girls, that was written the year I was born. The day I got my period, I asked her what it meant, she told me to go get some pads out of the bathroom closet, and I think we went out to dinner that night. Outside of school sessions and health class I never learned any of that stuff. I don't understand why (OK I do, but I don't agree) getting your first period is so exciting and wonderful. My parents never talked to me about relationships with guys. Granted I never went out to do anything in middle school or high school, OK there were a couple times my senior year when I snuck out close to 11PM, but it was only to watch the cops at shift change. I was never encouraged to wear cute clothes. Everything I wore in middle and high school consisted of jeans and medium t-shirts and none of those form fitting t-shirts. I don't think I really started wearing cute clothes (or at least ones that showed my figure) until my sophomore year of college, when I moved out from under their roof. I know I wore a pretty cute summer dress for my high school graduation (which I can still fit in to today), but beyond that I didn't wear any cute dresses. Kevin was saying maybe it was because I didn't show an interest in them, but when you're not encouraged to wear anything like that, even dresses my mother bought me, were more like shapes that she would wear, she's just now beginning to buy me cute clothes (when she buys me clothes). When that's all you know to wear, I think it's kinda hard to be interested. I guess I sorta started branching out my senior year, for Winter Formal that year (dance), I wore a velvet skirt that had slits up both sides to my hips. I love that skirt, wish I had something to wear it to now. My senior prom dress was kinda like a Cinderella dress, not a very full skirt, it was periwinkle and laced up in the back. I loved that dress too.
I've never been in a reltionship until I started dating Kevin, and that was a lot to get used to. I had a few crushes throughout my school years, but nothing beyond staring at and wishing. I do find it pretty cool, that the first time I saw Kevin, I thought I'd love to date that guy. When we got further in our relationship, my mother dropped off an ad for planned parenthood, that's as close as she's ever gotten to talking about sex with me.
And the money thing, my parents never really talked about money. I do recall when I was pretty young and delivered papers (I started in 2nd grade), my dad saying every other paycheck had to be deposited. And then as I got older I was expected to pay for certain things. They never talked to me about credit cards. I got my first credit card sometime in my 2nd year of college, by filling out one of those things you get in the mail. I figured it was time I had my own (my parents gave me one in my name of their account for emergencies and paying for books), and thought I'd fill it out, what was the worst that could happen, they could turn me down and I wouldn't be any worse off. When I was pondering it, the only advice I got was from my roommate at the time, who told me she always made sure she had money in her bank account to cover whatever she wanted to charge.
Kevin mentioned that maybe my mom wanted another boy since she never talked about anything girly with me, not even makeup or how to wear my hair. I had short hair (around my ears or above) until middle school, when one of my friends had long hair and I decided to grow it out. I was never encouraged to dress up in high heels, (my mom didn't own any) or makeup (she also had very little of that) when I was young. I was given Barbies and dolls, and dress up clothes, but she never really encouraged me outside of those things. Looking through my old toys a few weeks ago as we were cleaning for the garage sale, lots of the things I had somewhat paralleled what my brother had. We both had small animals we played with mixing them with our legos and model/diecast cars. We both had K'nex when they came out, my favorite to build was the off-road jeep/vehicle. I loved getting the 1/24 scale cars at the toy store. I loved climbing trees and jumping off the playground equipment at school.
It makes me wonder if that's why I'm always so intrigued about the little girls in the store I work at and how recently I've been thinking if I had kids I want a little girl. Not to totally enamour in pink or girly stuff, but to just experience being a little girl again.

They claim I was a nasty person

I love it how my parents don't think anything I do in my life is important.
Mom has been trying to clean out my stuff of my old bedroom (so she can put more stuff she never uses into it), and we're kinda planning a garage sale for next weekend. Today, my dad calls and says we need to make a plan for when we can work on getting stuff out. Really? Why do I need to help you get stuff out of your house? No one helped me when I was sorting out stuff. Then, he gets all upset, because I'm busy taking care of stuff I need to do before I go help out at the library this afternoon and asks what I'm doing. Like it's any of his business.
And I really don't think it takes much to organize a garage sale, put an ad up on craigslist and the free paper people get in the mail on Weds, move your car out of the garage, move a couple other things out that aren't going to be for sale, put up some table, put up some signs saying this stuff is X amt of dollars, put some price tags on bigger things and there you go.
Why do my parents insist on making things so much harder than they are?
And why does all the things I do in my life not important. Like last week when mom asked me to get part of the foundation painted before they got back from their trip on Weds, did she ask me if I had stuff to do? No, because I guess since I don't have a full time job, all I do is sit in my apartment and do nothing all day.

born to fly

I wish I could sleep right now. It's been a long day.
I got up, cleaned my pig's cage, mowed the lawn. My mom has me doing a project this week where I'm scraping paint from the foundation, cleaning it, putting primer on it and repainting it. I spent about an hour and a half on that, ate lunch, walked to Walmart and back. That's about a 4.22 mile walk. Unfortunately I only had about an hour before I had to go to work, so after taking a shower, I couldn't sleep.
My mother wants me to have this project done by Wed evening, only it's supposed to rain tonight and tomorrow, I can't paint when it's raining. Of course she's gone on a mini vacation and won't know it rained, and then she'll whine at me when it's not done.

Kevin had to work all weekend, so I figured I wouldn't get to see him. He called me this morning as he was getting ready to go to bed and told me, he thought he broke his nose. He said he tripped over his boots and connected with the doorknob. Needless to say I was very bothered by that. He called me while I was on my way to work and we went to Taco John's for supper. OK, we got Taco John's for supper and proceeded to eat in the store. Somehow an hour went by and he had to leave to get ready for work. An hour is never enough with him.
He told me about a supper thing this weekend with his work. We're also going to Adventureland courtesy of them. I do appreciate that they're doing that for us, but it'd be really nice if they made it so people didn't have to work so much.

I hate it when people ignore me when they come in the store. I always greet everyone with a smile and a hello. Then I ask if I can help them find something. A few of them ignore that question, and then seem to get annoyed that I didn't ask if I could help them.

I've got a pocketful of sunshine

OK, I forgot something. My mom was whining at me the other day about volunteering. Yesterday, she shows me a page in the newspaper about volunteer oppurtunities, and says how volunteering at the library isn't really doing anything for me. Silly me, I thought a person volunteered to help the community, yes it's a bonus if you get something else out of it, but the way she said it, it seemed like that's the only reason a person volunteered. Anyways, she showed me something to look into, which I did, and the person emailed me today, and said how for this opportunity, it was a year commitment, that I'd get about an $800 stipend a month, but that I wouldn't be able to work at any other jobs while doing it. I'm not quite sure I want to give up my 3 part-time jobs for a year and then come back to them. Especially the store I'm working at, I don't think my boss would appreciate that, "Can I leave for a year for this volunteer thing and then come back and work for you?" What's the guarantee I'm gonna get the jobs back? It also said something about vacation time, but what if I'm not able to get the 2 weeks for the Hawaii trip that we already have planned? How does that work, we're not gonna cancel because of it. I've already got the OK from the store job. It just doesn't seem to work. Yes, it would be nice to get that $800 a month, but how much would it screw up my current jobs/job connections to do it?

Falling in and out of love with you

I apologize profusely, I meant to write this on Monday.
I was all bummed I wasn't going to go to the Good Guys Car Show last weekend, but I did it to myself. When I learned that Kevin would get the 4th of July off this year, I asked if we could go, and he said yes. When I learned the 4th was on a Saturday, and he would get the whole weekend off, I told him we should go back to his parents place instead. A couple weeks ago, it looked like we wouldn't get to go because he'd be working. Friday morning in his message, he asked me if I was working that night. I wasn't quite sure if that meant he didn't have to work just that night, or if our plans were back on for the weekend. I called him after work on Friday, and he said he had the weekend off and asked if I wanted to go home with him, to which I gladly sad yes.
We left about 10pm that night. I just packed up and left, didn't tell my parents, didn't really care if they knew or not. Yesterday, I was talking to mom on the phone and she said I should have told them, because for all they knew I was kidnapped on my way from work. I was thinking, if you were worried, you could have called, which they didn't do all weekend, I think she just wanted me to feel guilty for not telling them. Not like it's any of their business what my schedule is. I don't live with them, it's none of their damn business.
We got to his parents house about midnight, and slipped into bed. Saturday, we basically lounged around hanging out with his parents, brother, sister-in-law, and nephew. About 3:30 (it felt later than that), we went to Texas Road House in Cedar Rapids, because I had a coupon for a free appetizer. After that we went to Menard's. I have never been to a Menard's and it was really really cool. I coulda spent about an hour or more in there. On the way back to his parents house, we got some custard at Culver's. Later that night we went back to Cedar Rapids to watch the fireworks, and we were treated to an early show from a guy setting off fireworks about a block in front of us. That was cool except for the cardboard raining down and the sulphur billowing back at us.
Sunday, was also a lazy lounging day. Kevin had to fix the brakes on his truck, so we went to town to do something with the rotors and get brake pads, we had lunch at a Chinese buffet restaurant, that had some pretty damn good cream puffs with whipped cream with taste. After getting back to his parents house, he worked on his truck while I watched TV. That night was also a loungy night with supper from Culver's. Monday morning, his brother, sister-in-law and nephew came over and his mom, sister-in-law, nephew, one of his brother's beagles and I went on a 2 1/2 mile walk. Shortly after that we headed back home.

It was a really nice weekend. No phone calls from my parents nagging about stuff, though I did say at least once a day, I was surprised my mom didn't call me to complain about something. I didn't realize that til later, and I so didn't mean to bring her up so much, but it really did surprise me, she didn't call and complain about something I hadn't done yet.

A note to people in cars at stoplights. Don't watch me (the pedestrian) as the cue of when to go. Within the past month, I've had 2 vehicles start to cross the street on a red light, because I was walking. I do walk against the light quite a lot, only when I won't be in the way of any cars. I had one vehicle almost get hit by an oncoming car because they were paying more attention to me than the light.

I got my brother's Best Buy gift card in the mail yesterday. Now I have a total of $550 dollars to spend in Best Buy. I know I mentioned wanting a new TV, but I also gave my parents and brother lists of stuff I wanted. If you're going to give me gift cards for that much, have them be for Fareway or Walmart or Target, where I can use them on stuff I need. Yeah, it'd be nice to have a new TV, because everyone has their shows in HD now and if there's any wording on the screen, it's guaranteed to fall off the edge, but there's so many more things that I need. I guess I could buy all the DVD's and CD's from my Amazon wishlist at Best Buy, I could even start buying the seasons of 3rd Watch that I heard were coming out on DVD. I just wish people would pay attention to lists instead of just deciding on their own what they're going to get me. Most of the time when they do that (at least when it's my parents and brother), they don't get something I really want. My friends and Kevin are way better at getting things that they know I'll like. The other thing I'm annoyed at, is if they want me to buy a TV, why don't they just buy it for me, then I can't (ok, technically I could) return it and use the money for something else.
I'm also a litter perturbed that I never got a cake this year. Yes, I know it takes me a long time to eat cakes, but I love getting cakes, it makes me feel that much more special. And, as long as I'm complaining about things I didn't get, I didn't get a card until I received the card from my aunt, and an ATC from my yahoo group in the mail. Ross also mailed me a card, actually his was pretty funny. He got it here, and it's the procrastination one. "Procrastination: Hard work often pays off in over time, but lazyness always pays off now." He said he thought it fit perfectly since he hadn't mailed my present on my birthday. It's a pretty cool site, you should all check it out.

I'm working on taking a picture of the frog pillow my mom made me. I've just been behind because I've been busy filling up my new computer with everything from my old computer, then I had to reset it to its factory settings, so when we have our garage sale in August, I can sell it for a giant profit, or at least a profit, as I didn't buy it.

Mama's dancing, baby on her shoulder

Leave it to my mother to ruin a perfectly good day. I go out to look for my mail (which isn't there yet) and she gets on me about what I did for my week, and then when I tell her and none of it included volunteering she gets on me about that. How I'm supposed to have a full time job, implying that I'm not looking, or doing I think it's 15 hours a week volunteering. And how I'm supposed to be doing 5 hours of work for my parents, she complains about how she had to do yardwork today, and now she can barely feel her hands, I scoff at that inside my head. Here's a thought if you want me to do stuff around the house, tell me what the hell you want me to do, I can't read your fucking mind. And that whole thing about the job and volunteering, I love it how just because I have a job, I have to do all this stuff to fulfill what you think I should be doing. She said I needed to have a plan to her by Wed about how I'm going to change that. She says I'm not in the real adult world. I really wish Kevin would buy a house, so I could get out from under my parents roof. Maybe that'd get them off my back, most likely not.
It's so funny how my mom said a couple weeks ago, that they're going to sell the house in 5 years, but pretty much last week and last weekend, she's been giving me pointers on how to make my apartment better (I'm on the 3rd floor of their house), what's the point if you're just gonna sell the house in 5 years? I can find everything fine, it's just her and her damn expectations.

Even when I was working 30+ hours a week, my parents were still saying I needed to find a better job with benefits. Nothing I do is good enough for them.

I did have a pretty good birthday yesterday. Kevin came over in the morning and gave me my present, a new desktop computer, it's way cool. I'm still getting stuff set up on it. I tried getting some stuff off some CD's I thought I burned on my other computer, only to find out they were blank, guess my CD burner didn't work on there either. So, now I have to set up the other one and slowly save things on my 1GB flash disk. I don't think I have a lot, just some pictures and word documents. It's jus the whole process of finding a place to set it up.
We all went out to lunch: mom, dad, Kevin and I. After lunch we went home, and I pretty much had to go to work, so I did that. My brother called me at work and we had a nice little chat. After work, I was pretty tired, and basically sat on the couch and fell asleep watching TV. It wouldn't have been a good birthday if Kevin hadn't come over.

just a small time girl living in a lonely world

I hate it when I build myself up for something, and it's not what I expected. For some reason, I am extremely excited about my birthday this year (it's tomorrow), not like it's any big milestone. 26 doesn't do anything, at least 25 was kind of a milestone, 26 not so much.
I know I have no idea what' s going to happen tomorrow, but tonight, not as interesting as I hoped. Since I work tomorrow night and Friday night (my mom's birthday), we went out to supper tonight. As I said before we planned to go to The Spice, and we did, but we didn't make it to Hickory Park for dessert as my mom had a meeting at 7. After supper, we came back to the house and opened presents, my mom was particularly intrigued about her gift. I gave her a two-year subscription to a magazine, Our Iowa, it's basically all about Iowa it's got pictures and stories.
My parents gave me a frog pillow, that my mom made with some fleece I bought awhile ago, that she embellished with some sewing and beads and a little extra fabric, she also sewed a frog to the top of it. They also gave me quite a big gift card, which I'm still in shock about the amount (I just looked it up online), but it's so much more fun to get something material, granted I will be spending it on material stuff, but I could have used this much on a Fareway, or Target/Walmart gift card, anything I spend this gift card on, I don't really need. I'd rather use it on stuff I need.

I've noticed now that I've been eating/drinking a little more healthily (don't know if that's a word, but it is now), certain things I used to love, don't taste as good anymore. Ever since Easter Sunday, I've been drinking water except on Sunday nights and Mondays, when I get together with Kevin and we go out. I know it's cheaper to drink water then too, but it's like a little bonus for me. I've even got to liking water more. I'm also trying to eat more healthy and not snack on things as much, or if I do, snack on more healthy things like carrots, or yogurt, or some of the healthy bars rather than chips or cookies or candy bars. I do still buy some sugary stuff, but I'm spending most of my money on healthy food when I go food shopping. I've noticed I've slimmed a bit since then, I'm not fat, I know that. But, I have noticed I gained more of a stomach lately, and I got new stretch marks on the inside of my thighs. I've gone down a couple pounds, and some clothes that were getting tight fit better. A month or so ago, I bought a juniors medium skirt at Walmart, I didn't know it was junior's, anyways, when I tried it on at home, I couldn't get it over my thighs, it now fits over my thighs. I also need to get my ass out on walks, like I used to do, I used to walk on 4 mile walks around town. Part of me not doing that lately is that my mp3 player's battery is sucking a lot (course now I can get a new one with my gift card), but my brother gave his to my father, and I have it on loan, but I can't put my songs on it, so not the same.
Getting back to stuff tasting different. I bought me some champagne cake the other day, wasn't near as good as it used to taste. Also, I bought a Coke the other day, and opened it tonight, it doesn't taste as good either. Guess it's a good thing, I won't be eating/drinking these things if they don't taste good.

You're busted

It doesn't feel like Monday, and it wasn't a very nice weekend. I had a friend's (Amanda's) baby shower to go to on Sunday, so Saturday I made a survival kit for new mom's and a card. Check them out here. That took pretty much all day on Saturday. Sunday I woke up to go out and mow the lawn, took my pig out to enjoy the weather while I ate my lunch. After that, I took a shower and spent way too much time figuring out what to wear. I decided on a cute little skirt Kevin bought me a few weeks ago. Unfortunately, I opted to not wear anything under the skirt, so I felt rather self-conscious and on the way inside for the baby shower, the wind was blowing, so I was having a hard time not flashing anything to anyone.
The baby shower was fun, only I knew Amanda and one other person there and there were at least 15 people there. But, it was fun seeing what other people got her and eating extremely good lemon cake.
The mine decided Kevin had to work yesterday night, so he slept all day yesterday, I got to chat with him for a couple minutes while he was getting ready to go to work, and then he went off to work. Today, I didn't really know what to do. I thought I'd try recreating the "bag" I made for Amanda, but then I ran out of double-stick tape. I was thinking if I made and decorated a whole bunch of them and put them up on my etsy store, maybe they'd sell, we'll see.
Also, Kevin might be working next weekend (that is the 4th of July). I'm really hating his bosses right now. We were planning to go back to his parents house sometime Saturday and stay until Monday afternoon. But, looks like that won't be happening now. I'm really hoping they don't end up working, they already ruined one weekend for me, I don't need 2 crappy weekends in a row.

My birthday's on Thursday, I'll be 26, but I won't be doing anything really fun. My parents and I are going out to supper on Wednesday, since I'm working Thursday night. The plan is to go to The Spice, a Thai food restaurant, for supper and Hickory Park for ice cream. Sunday, mom suggested we do something actually on my birthday, like it really matters, and we might be going to Legend's for lunch. She also wants to do something on the 4th of July. She has been really clingy lately, she wants to spend all this time with me, I don't know why, I'm pretty sure she has some other motive than just hanging out, and I'm pretty sure it's to talk about crap I don't want to talk about. She made such a big deal about doing something on my birthday and about doing something on July 4th. Maybe she can sense I'm rather bummed about Kevin not being able to get together with me, I don't know.

Mentioning Hickory Park reminded me of a guy I had come into the store a couple weeks ago. He said someone told him about a really good BBQ place but he couldn't remember the name. I asked if it was Battle's. He said no, and replied that they had ice cream. I asked if it was Hickory Park, he said, yes it was. Now, if you're from around here, and have gone to Hickory Park, it's not something I would call a BBQ place. It has all different foods from hamburgers to smoked meats to salads and tons of really great ice cream sundaes. It does have BBQ, but it's not a huge thing on their menu. It has five different BBQ things on it's menu (I looked, I don't have it memorized), so it was lucky for the guy that I knew they had BBQ and ice cream.

UGH!! Ok, one more thing, just because it's bothering me as I sit here and type this. If you know me, I can't breathe cigarette smoke. Lucky me, my place of work sits between 2 businesses where the employees smoke, and since you can't smoke inside businesses anymore, they smoke outside, and on a day like today, when it's nice outside and the door is open. I have to shut it. On one side, there is a pizza joint, some of the delivery drivers smoke, they sit on the little railing on the ramp to the place next door to them and smoke away, so I get smoke from the south. On the other side is a check cashing place, and the lady apparently can't leave the premises, so she stands right outside the door and smokes away, so I get smoke from the north. I can't win. If I ever had to use a check cashing place (and I really hope I don't have to, because with what they charge, I would get into so much more debt), I would be so turned off to see this lady standing, basically in the doorway smoking. I'm sure that really keeps the cigarette smoke out of your business too.
I had a guy one time, almost walk into the store with his cigarette in his hand still lit. I gave him one hell of a look. He got the message, apologized and wandered off. I can't stand it when smokers come in, they all have this cloud of smoke hanging around them, and I can smell it no matter where they are in the store. Granted it's not a very big store, but it's not that massively small either, if you're in the back of the store, I shouldn't be able to smell you in the front. That's just nasty. I'm done rambling now. :)

Hope you all had a good weekend.

Your breath is still on my lips

My mom is cleaning all my stuff out of my old room and wants me to put it up here in my apartment, because I clearly have all this room. We're looking at a box of dolls which I decided I didn't need anymore, she informs me that I should keep them even if I think I don't need them anymore. Guess I should go rent a storage space for all the shit you think I should keep that I'm never going to use again. Maybe she's hoping I'll use it for my kids someday, I don't really plan on having kids. Yeah, I had that moment a few months ago when I wanted one, but now that Kevin's brother has one, he doesn't see the need to have any. He had told me once in the beginning of our relationship, that he wanted kids because he didn't think his brother could have any. Now that his brother has a kid, he told me, he figures that if we're meant to have kids somehow it'll happen, even though I'm on birth control. And, even if I ever have kids, I sure don't want to push dolls on my daughter (if I have one), I want my kids to decide what they want, but I sure don't plan on doing anything totally girly or boyish when they're young. Why not, give my old toys/dolls/etc to Goodwill where some other kid can have some enjoyment out of them? Cause you sure don't want to keep them in your house, but yet you think I should keep them when I don't want to.

She had to come up and measure one of my closets to find out if some totes she bought to put my stuff in them would fit. As she's leaving she says I need to devote 2 hrs every day to cleaning/sorting/rearranging. She didn't say it in so many words but it's because she doesn't like the way my apartment looks. Sure, it's messy, but I can find everything I want, I don't have problems with it, what business is it of yours? She's starting to treat me as if I'm a little child again. I have a responsiblity to mow the lawn in the summer (shovel the sidewalks/driveway in the winter), the other day she called me and told me I needed to get my chores done. Chores? Really, is that what you think of them. I'd love for Kevin to hurry up and buy a house, so I can move in with him, sort through all my crap and get rid of what I don't need (without my mom knowing, cause she'll think I need to keep some of it) and get away from her. Just cause I live in your apartment doesn't mean you get to say how it looks. I don't have bugs, I don't have rotting food, the only thing you can't handle is that it's messy. I have no doubt that when I do get my own place, when she comes over, she'll still complain about the way I live.

ugh

So, I've figured out that my mother thinks I know nothing. I think part of the reason I got my degree in CJ was because my parents didn't know much about it and I could speak my mind and be right, or at least listened to. But my mom always talks down to me, even when we're talking about opinions, there's always a tone about how she says things and she implies that I don't know what I'm talking about.
Like today, she leaves me a note on a container of ice melt not to use it, like I don't know you don't use ice melt on top of snow. It was because we got a 1/8 inch of ice last night, and I sprinkled it with ice melt and some sand. We have a new piece of concrete at the bottom of our driveway, and we're not supposed to use ice melt on it, something about the chemicals reacting with the new concrete.
Stole this from one of the blogs I read:
1. Started your own blog.
2. Slept under the stars.
3. Played in a band.
4. Visited Hawaii.
5. Watched a meteor shower.
6. Given more than you can afford to charity.
7. Been to Disneyland.
8. Climbed a mountain.
9. Held a praying mantis.
10. Sang a solo.
11. Bungee jumped.
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea.
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch.
15. Adopted a child.
16. Had food poisoning.
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty.
18. Grown your own vegetables.
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France.
20. Slept on an overnight train.
21. Had a pillow fight.
22. Hitch hiked.
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill.
24. Built a snow fort.
25. Held a lamb.
26. Gone skinny dipping.
27. Run a Marathon.
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice.
29. Seen a total eclipse.
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset.
31. Hit a home run.
32. Been on a cruise.
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person.
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors.
35. Seen an Amish community.
36. Taught yourself a new language.
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied.
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person.
39. Gone rock climbing.
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David.
41. Sung karaoke.
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt.
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant.
44. Visited Africa.
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight.
46. Been transported in an ambulance.
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing.
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person.
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris.
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling.
52. Kissed in the rain.
53. Played in the mud.
54. Gone to a drive-in theater.
55. Been in a movie.
56. Visited the Great Wall of China.
57. Started a business.
58. Taken a martial arts class.
59. Visited Russia.
60. Served at a soup kitchen.
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies.
62. Gone whale watching.
63. Got flowers for no reason.
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma.
65. Gone sky diving.
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp.
67. Bounced a check.
68. Flown in a helicopter.
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial.
71. Eaten Caviar.
72. Pieced a quilt.
73. Stood in Times Square.
74. Toured the Everglades.
75. Been fired from a job.
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London.
77. Broken a bone.
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle.
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person.
80. Published a book.
81. Visited the Vatican.
82. Bought a brand new car.
83. Walked in Jerusalem.
84. Had your picture in the newspaper.
85. Read the entire Bible.
86. Visited the White House.
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating.
88. Had chickenpox.
89. Saved someone’s life.
90. Sat on a jury.
91. Met someone famous.
92. Joined a book club.
93. Lost a loved one.
94. Had a baby.
95. Seen the Alamo in person.
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake.
97. Been involved in a law suit.
98. Owned a cell phone.
99. Been stung by a bee.
100. Read an entire book in one day.

2 Annoyances and 1 good thing in my life

I may be upgrading something in my life soon. I'll let you all know when I get it.

UGH!! My dad just called asking if I wanted to earn some money, when I asked doing what, he said cleaning up leaves. Apparently they got a quote from someone else and decided I could earn that much doing it. Thank you sooo very much for thinking of me, but no thanks. Which is pretty much what I said, to which he replied, when do you want to work on it. I'm so glad my word means nothing to my parents. It's really nice to know.

Also, I had decided to go with them to Hawaii this winter, but since the stock market sucks so much, we're not going anymore. Paying for 4 people to go down there is pretty expensive, I bet paying for 3 people to go to Rome last year was pretty expensive too, and going on a cruise 2 years ago in July for 2 people was pretty expensive too, but you guys didn't think that much in the future about money. So, when I finally decide to go on vacation with you, we can't do it.