It has been a long week. Every day I got up and worked on garage sale stuff. And apparently standing for 6 + hours on concrete in flip flops doesn't make your feet happy. They still hurt, especially since I spent all day walking around Adventureland on Sunday.
It turned out to be a good garage sale, we made well over $300. Originally, my dad had said if I organized a garage sale, I could have all the profits. Well, mom decided that since she helped out so much, she needed a cut. I don't think she helped out a ton, she seemed to be complaining more than helping out, oh well, I still got a nice chunk of change. I want to go and spend it on something huge and cool, but I'll probably just end up sitting on it in the bank. I deposited it yesterday. I needed to get it out of the house, so I didn't spend it. I was thinking of transferring some of it to paypal so I could spend it at Etsy, but I don't think I'm going to spend it there either. I am going to transfer some though, I found some cute Monoply board coasters, that I think my brother might get a kick out of. His birthday's coming up in September and it would be nice to get the present out of the way, he's a hard guy to buy for anyway. I know what he likes, but he usually wants stuff that's kind of expensive.

Sunday, Kevin and I went to Adventureland. Every year the mine does this nice thing for their workers, just for fun. We met up with one of his co-workers and his wife and pretty much wandered around with them all day, it was pretty fun. Somehow Kevin managed to spend $20 or so that day, I haven't quite figured out how yet. I guess combining the food/drink he got and the games we played, it kinda eats it up. I did get some cute stuffed animals though. We were riding the train and someone walked by with a giant banana (it was probably 4 or 5 feet tall) and one lady said "what are you going to do with a giant banana", Kevin and I laughed and I whispered to him "what are you going to do with all the other stuff you get here?" Like anything's really gonna be done with anything you get that you're not gonna eat. We went to Kokomo Cove this year, but I remembered how mean the kids were last year, and I really just wanted to go swimming, not wandering through the water slides. I sat on the chairs and soaked up a little sun, Kevin went on a water slide, he said he had more fun last year, he kept saying because it was hotter last year but I know part of it was because I wasn't enjoying it with him. Kids are so mean when they don't have anyone to tell them no, when you have giant waterguns and buckets of water that you can just throw on people, they do whatever the hell they want to, I just didn't want to deal with it this year. It would be way better if there was a pool.
I also got up the courage to try a roller coaster this year, I went on the Outlaw, their wooden one. After we got on it, Kevin said he remembered it was the one with the most bumps and turns and stuff, guess I picked the wrong one huh? I didn't like, granted I didn't get sick, but all those quick turns, ups and downs, and bumps didn't help me any. But, at least I can say that I know I don't like roller coasters. When I was little, I went on a mini one at Arnold's Park, and I got sick on that one, so I'd been using that excuse ever since. But, Kevin was so bummed last year when we got up to the roller coaster and I chickened out at the last minute I thought I'd try one this year.

On the 18th of August, I start back at the University Bookstore, I'm looking forward to that. This year I'm working 3 weeks. I can't wait, we're generally pretty busy the week before classes start (the 17th through the 23rd), I don't think the week of classes will be too bad (24th through the 30th), I think it's busier than winter RUSH because any new students are most likely going to start at the new year rather than half year. I'm not quite sure what the last week will be like (31st through the 4th), In January, we started getting slow at the end of the 2nd week, I bounced around and helped in textbooks, because I wanted to keep busy. It's pretty boring if you can't keep busy, but you deal. I just keep thinking I have to save all my money for Hawaii. Add the money from the garage sale and then what I get at the bookstore, and money from events at Hilton until I have to leave, I should have a nice chunk of savings to take with me. Hopefully I won't spend it all, I'm hoping I'll be pretty smart with my money, though I love getting souveneirs at places, and I don't know if certain food will be extra on the boat or not. If I stick to my water routine, I should save money there, but I'm gonna be on vacation, it'll be some hard choices. Hopefully, I won't have some emergency that I'll need the money for between now and hawaii, but if I do, I'll have extra money. I feel so much better when I have a nice buffer in the bank in case something happens. I've always been a big believer in having things even if you don't need them at the moment.

This week, I have to make it to the post office today and get my hair cut, I have an event on Thurs at Hilton, and hopefully on Friday I get to get together with my friend, Loretta, and her puppies and have a picnic. I'm really looking forward to that, I haven't seen them since the middle of July.

My hair cut is one of my extra spendings. My hair is so full of split ends, the place my mom always took me costs $20 per haircut, but you get used to a certain person cutting your hair. Anyways, I was thinking last night as I was picking off my split ends, that I should wander over to Great Clips and get it trimmed, then I thought, now that I have a little extra money I can afford the more expensive place, so maybe I'll just go there. I'm not getting anything drastic, no new hair style, just a nice trim. As many split ends as I have, I'm thinking she's taking at least 3 inches off, so it'll be a little different. It always feels like a new start when I have quite a bit taken off at a haircut, course I usually wait a while for my haircuts, so it's always a new start. Someday I think I will get a new hairstyle, but I'd have to research and really think about it. Sometimes waiting the 2 hours to have my hair dry is a little annoying (I don't have or like hair dryers), and after being outside in the wind it tangles easily (course part of that could be the split ends). I did get a layered look one time, but it grew out and I didn't get it again, I also grew out my bangs awhile ago, that was the best decision in hair other than growing my hair long that I made. I just wish I knew more things to do with my hair that didn't take a lot of effort, I am basically a get up, brush it, and throw it in a pony tail kinda girl. If I take a shower in the middle of the day, I usually french braid it, just so it's not so messy the whole time it dries, and I get the cute little crinkles the next day. I also wish there was a way to enhance the subtle wave I have. I've found out if I take a shower at night and then sleep on it, it really shows, but I haven't found any other way to coax it out.
Now that I've rambled enough, maybe I'll get dressed and meander over to the post office.

I smell like fish

My hands smell like fish :( I just spent the last 45 minutes washing and taking out bones from some bluegill. It wasn't gross, not like I figured it'd be, but now my hands smell like fish, and I already washed them with some extra-strength soap.
Kevin was fishing yesterday and caught himself a lot of bluegill. His buddy took some pictures of the ones he caught, and he had one that was as long as a Vault 20 oz bottle. He kept telling it was really big, since I don't know much about fish and he's never caught any that he's kept when I've been with him fishing, I really don't know if that's big, but I do believe him.
Yesterday, I went to the Hardin County fair to judge the small animals show. Unfortunately, no one showed up. 5 people had signed up, they told us earlier on that 3 of them weren't going to show up, and the other 2 never did either. My friend, Loretta, is the pet superintendent for the fair, and it's her job to find a judge, so she asked me. I was pretty nervous, but I was pretty interested and excited to do it too. It bummed me out I didn't get to judge.

I totally bummed myself out today. Kevin and I went to Boone, and I picked up a magazine about Okoboji, IA. I was reading it at work, and remembering things, and totally bummed myself out. When I was about 5 or maybe younger, my parents started taking my brother and I up to my grandparents condo on Lake Okoboji, I have so many memories of the 6 of us up there. I've seen so many pictures with my grandparents and I having fun. I remember one year, sometime after my grandparents stopped going, most of my extended family on my mother's side came up and stayed at a hotel/resort very near to our condo. I remember they had everyone in one room, people were sleeping on the floor, the beds, the patio, everywhere they could fit someone. I think, they surprised us, but I really don't know. Kevin and I went up there, the first year we were dating, we usually have a week, but both of us had to work on Tuesday, so we got there Saturday night/afternoon, and left Tuesday morning. I showed him as much of my childhood hangouts as I could stuff in those few days, and I'd love to go back with him. I told him last weekend, it would be really great if some year his parents, his brother and sister-in-law, nephew and Kevin and I went up there. I'm pretty sure they would all enjoy it, and there's something for everyone. From fishing and swimming in the lake, to the various restaurants, to the amusement park, to the mini golf places, to the places to shop. And most everything is within walking distance of our condo. I miss it so much when I can't go.

OK, now I'm getting a little nauseous, I sure hope it's not because of leaning over a sink washing fish for 45 minutes. I sure don't need to be sick tonight.

I don't think you know

I got the job at the bookstore, and I'm ecstatically happy about it.
I have magnetic poetry on my door (it's a steel door), and sometimes I like to put messages up where I hope certain people will find them. Last night, I stuck the message up "my ma thinks I'm a failure" today she came up and talked to me about going to Okoboji (I won't be going this year because of jobs), money (typical) though she wasn't yelling about me about the porch floor (thank God), surprisingly. Anyways, after she left my dad came up wanting me to look at some things with him, so after locking my door to go downstairs, I notice my mom changed the message to "u must expect from yourself! failure never" What the hell does she know about what I expect? I expect stuff from myself and I meet those expectations, but I guess since I don't expect the same things that she does, I don't expect anything from myself. What the hell does she even know about me? It's not like she takes the time to learn about me, and when I do share things, it always seems she's got some way to knock those things down, or put me down.
Now, I'm pretty sure she doesn't think I'm a failure, but if she would act toward me that she doesn't that would be really nice. Following my brother, who got out of college in 4 years (I took 4.5) knew exactly what he wanted when he went in (I was accepted into the Design College, switched to the Business College before starting, and ended up getting a Bachelor of Science in Criminology and Sociology from the Liberal Arts and Sciences College), got himself a great paying job when he got done (I still haven't), is living on the 19th floor of an apartment building in Chicago with a view of the lake (I'm renting from my parents), making nice money (I'm barely making enough to pay my bills), and knows what he wants to do with his life if he doesn't he's sure putting up a nice facade (me I have no idea and I show it every day). I'd love for my parents to harp on him about not having a girlfriend, and praise me for having a boyfriend (and someone I would love to spend the rest of my life with, they don't know that part though). But I never hear anything bad about him, all the disappointment is about my life and my lack of a job and my lack of money.
If I went their direction, and stayed in business and somehow made the grades to graduate and get a good job, I guarantee I would be very miserable, I wouldn't have met Kevin (I know that for sure), and he is a huge part of why I'm happy with my life.
I love telling people that I don't care what my mom thinks, but it still hurts when I let her down (if I didn't truly care, it wouldn't make a difference). I think somewhere deep down I really do want to please my mom, actually I know I do, as much as I love to say I don't. I wish someday she could tell me she's proud of me, but those words are few and very far between, I don't think I've heard it since I graduated college, and before that I don't know. And that hurts.
I've been listening to Hate Me by Blue October a lot lately (partly cause I bought the download on Amazon not so long ago), and I realize some of it explains how I feel about my mom. Bolded parts are what i relate to

Hate Me
by Blue October

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me?
It is I that wanted space

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

I’m sober now for 3 whole months it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “Make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered “How can you do this to me?”

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
For you
For you
For you

I always said, that'd be it

Ya know, I used to think 3 days without a post was a long time, now I can go a week and I don't think it's very long, sorry folks. Life gets in my way, usually when I get home from work, I don’t want to sit in my desk chair and stare at the computer screen.
So, I got my summer vacation, it wasn’t quite long enough. Kevin and I went up to my parents condo on Lake Okoboji in Arnolds Park. We left after I got done with work on Sat, and came back Tues morning, because neither of us could afford to take a week off. I hope next week I can have the whole week. It’s getting so annoying just going up there for a couple days and driving back, I hate squishing everything into 2 or 3 days, I want some time to relax. Mom was saying if you can spend that much time with someone and still be able to stand them and want to spend time with them, it’s a good sign in the relationship. We had one time where I wanted to laze on the deck (we have a deck that looks over the lake, the lounge chair was really comfortable and the sun was nicely shinning, so it was just perfect to lay and enjoy it) and Kevin wanted to go swimming in the lake, to which I let him know I just wanted to relax, and he got kinda moody about that.
We went swimming in the lake once, walked around the lake a bit, visited the Abbie Gardner memorial site, went mini golfing a couple times, walked around looking at stores, went to Spirit Lake to look at stores there, and ate out. That was pretty much it.
This past spring, my parents were discussing going to Hawaii the week between Christmas and New Year’s, at the time I was interested but I didn’t have a job and wasn’t sure about my schedule. A couple of weeks ago, they went to meet with the travel agent (once I got my job, my boss said she was thinking about being closed that week), and found out about a trip to Rome. So, that night, they discussed Rome and Hawaii to me, they really wanted to go to Rome. I said I didn’t, they wouldn’t accept that I really have no desire to go to Rome, not that I’m being stubborn. So, they say, think about it for a couple days and we’ll get back together, when we got together, I told them that I would be ok with my vacation to Okoboji and didn’t need a vacation in December. Ross happened to call right after we were done with our meeting, and my parents told him to go ahead and book the Rome trip for the three of them. That pissed me off, because you could tell, they had no thoughts about going to Hawaii after they learned about Rome, just that they were telling me they were considering it. And they still hadn’t wrapped their minds around the thought that I don’t want to go to Rome. So, Tuesday when I was chatting with mom about Okoboji, and saying how I wanted a week vacation, she called me that night, “So, do you want us to book on our trip to Rome?” To which I blew up at her, and she got annoyed saying I didn’t need to yell at her about it. Why is it so hard to accept the fact that I don’t want to go to Rome?
So, classes started at the college this past Monday, can’t say I miss them. I don’t miss the kids wandering around lost, coming into class 10 min late because they weren’t smart enough to figure out where their classes were before the class actually started, running to catch the bus, because they think it should wait for them, coming in to the library and asking shit that’s clearly posted, checking out the same book for hours at a time, because they won’t buy the book (that will happen later in the semester, when they get closer to tests). We went to WalMart last night, and its still pretty apparent that people are still moving in, shuffling themselves to the stores for those things they didn’t think to bring to campus.
No, I don’t miss classes, or the people you run into on campus.