Wednesday, March 30, 2011


Hello All, I took my macaroni and cheese and the chocolate walnut tart to the trivia thing on Saturday night. I was told they were both very good. Unfortunately I warmed up the macaroni and cheese too soon, so it was cooling off very quickly by the time we got there. I took to work on Monday night, and people keep saying how good it is, I wouldn't be surprised if there is an empty bowl to take home on Friday. The 2nd chocolate walnut tart is still sitting in my fridge, dad came up and got it (even after I warned him, of how liquidy it was), so then he said he didn't want it, because it was mostly liquid. Sometimes I swear my parents never listen to me. So, I'm not completely sure what I'll do with it. I still think it would be good over vanilla ice cream, but I don't have room in my freezer right now. The lemon cake is slowly getting eaten, I baked it in a larger cake pan this time, and I think that's the reason is doesn't taste nearly as lemony. It's downstairs in my parents house at the moment. Sunday morning I woke up with a very red right eye. I went to the urgent care clinic, where they informed me it was pink eye, and gave me a prescription for eyedrops, I've been using them since then, but it still looks just as pink to me. Tomorrow, I'm going to the dr again. I have also developed a stuffy nose and a light sore throat, plus I think one of my lymph nodes is swollen. I very rarely get sick, but this feels like allergies to me. I washed all my bedclothes and towels yesterday in HOT water. I also put new bedclothes on, but I still feel crappy. I'm so glad I don't work today or tomorrow. I do have to venture to the grocery store (very soon), last week when I went, I didn't get anything to eat for this week. Plus, I need applesauce or yogurt to help me slurp down allergy pills. Here's hoping you're all having a much better week than me.

Saturday, March 26, 2011


I've been doing some baking for a trivia event tonight.
And of course at the last minute I changed my mind about what I'll be taking.
This is a Chocolate Walnut Tart:
I made two of them because I had the ingredients (actually I bought too many walnuts, so I figured why not), it was a good choice because for some reason they turned out completely different. The first one (below) never thickened up. The filling is brown sugar, dark corn syrup, eggs, butter and vanilla mixed together and poured over the walnuts and chocolate chips in the pie crust. The second one (above), the nuts and chips kinda rose to the top and it's quite a bit thicker underneath, kinda like the consistency of pecan pie. Everyone I've talked to has no idea what happened, I prepared them the same, cooked them for the same amount of time, and they're still very different. I think the runny one would be good over ice cream or pound cake, but I really have no idea what I'm going to do with it.

Next, I made lemon cake with a lemon glaze. I made this for my birthday cake last year and it was soo good. It's a white cake mix with lemon pudding mix and lemon lime soda. It looks great, but I decided not to take it to the trivia night.

And last but not least is the double cheese macaroni and cheese. I made it for dinner last night, but after tasting it, I decided it was waay too rich for me, and I've decided to warm it up in the oven and take it tonight. It's got cottage cheese and cheddar cheese. The sauce on it almost tastes like an alfredo sauce, and I'm not that big of a fan of it. Though it does taste great.
I have to say cooking/baking is something my ex got me started on that I'm so glad he did. I used to only make those box meals, and never bake, but he got me pans, mixing bowls and I got a hand mixer from my parents for Christmas, and most everything I've made so far has turned out good (even when I messed it up, I've gotten pretty good reviews).

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

A little bull

Well, it's been awhile, sorry. Last week was Spring Break here, and I worked close to 40 hours at the library. I'm not complaining, but opening and closing all in one day for 3 days and closing every single day did hit me a bit hard. Plus, Thursday I ran a few errands in between working. I also wandered down to the big Walmart and finished shopping for my Easter Basket (I'll show you that when I open it), I also bought a pair of black flats, a shirt and had a nice McD's sandwich for lunch.

Saturday, I went to Target to get some more shopping out of the way. I had to buy black ink for the printer I got for Christmas, found out it was cheaper than the black ink for my old printer, though I doubt color will be. Bought some boring shampoo, conditioner and body wash. Our Target here, is remodeling itself into a Super Target but not adding any more space, so it's been a little hard to wade through lately, but I think it will be done soon.

We had something exciting in the library last Tuesday:
It's a miniature bull, it was for a kids program.

I even got my picture taken by it:
This week, things are slowing back to normal. It will be April next week, hopefully the weather will stay warmer. Last week it was in the 70's one day and then went right back to the 50's and it's been dropping this week, with some days projected to be only in the upper 30's.
I'm trying out some new recipes for a trivia thing my family goes to every month. I've decided on 2 sweet things, and am toying with the idea of making a mac-and-cheese, but I'm worried about room on the table. Maybe I'll just make the mac-and-cheese for me.
Thank you for letting me get out the last post. I know my ex will never see it, but I also knew he didn't deserve a response. It was wrong of him to do certain things for me and some of my replies to his annoyances would just go on in arguments. I'm still not over him. There's still things that make me think about him, though they don't cause me to tear up. I've been telling people at work and my family, so pretty much everyone knows, and that feels good. I've been spending time and money on me and that feels really good. I really need to do some artwork for a couple swaps, I know that will feel great too.
Hope things are good in your neck of the woods. Can't wait for warmer weather.

Wednesday, March 09, 2011

I would really like to know why I'm expected to change when the other person won't. I tried so hard to clean my apartment and wash the dishes so they didn't stack up, but sue me if I didn't think that it was that important in my life.
You never tried to change that you always go tornado chasing when your friends are around even we has plans, and I took off work for it. You never tried to change when it was hunting season, I'm fine with you hunting, the problem I have is that you expect me not to see you when it's hunting season, and somehow have me believe you still give a damn about me? You saw me complaining about your hunting as you saw your brother and his wife. The difference there? She gets to see him, because she lives with him. Not being able to see you because you're either hunting or working is not acceptable in a relationship.
I tried to be supportive when you got your new job, but when you work so much and I get to see you maybe once a week, that doesn't work for me. I had such a hard time with that, and then my mother coming along and saying I should stand up for myself, I knew if I did, you'd chose the job, or something else, because that's what you've been doing our whole relationship. If there was ever a question of to hang out with me or work or hunt or go tornado chasing, you NEVER picked me. How do you think that makes me feel?
It's hard to believe in myself when it felt that my parents didn't, when I was raised and they never showed any praise in me except when I produced really good artwork, so excuse me that I thought I should do art.
I have no idea what I want to do in my life. I'm happy with my job now, I love it. I don't want to be like you where I spend nearly every waking moment of my life at my job and then complain about so much of it when I'm with my significant other. How dare you get mad at me for liking my job.
Driving scares me to death. I don't know why, but you tried once to help me with it, and I liked that. But you can't give me one driving lesson and expect I'm gonna know from there. It does help to be in a car where there's no expectations. No frigid air from my mother because for some reason she doesn't trust me or doesn't think I can do it or whatever.
And you're right not talking to me for 2 months wasn't the right answer, but you did it, so you must have thought it was ok. You always get on me about not talking about things and shutting up, and then you do it, but then it's ok right?
I did choose my life, but I'm also very depressed in my life (I don't know why). I have 2 bright things in my life, well now one, you and my job. I don't have close friends that I can hang out with, I've tried, but for some reason I don't. I don't have a great support network like you. I had you to support me, and that's it.
Excuse me for being the way I am, and for needing you so much, that's what it seems to have come down to. I needed you and you couldn't handle that much resposibility, so obviously the best thing was to just up and leave. Not talk, not see me, not be around. I'm sorry I'm a fucked up person, and I thought being with you was helping (it was), but it just hurts sooo much more when you decide I'm not worth it to be around anymore.
I had such a horrible night last night after getting your texts. It took every ounce of power in me to not sit in my shower and slit my wrists. I still want that, I want you to hurt as much as I have in the last 3 months and more. I'm still fighting that urge. I'm sitting here shaking and crying and trying so hard to hold on.
I think you chose to stop caring about me, when I got so upset with last April's tornado chase (yes, I'm still pissed about it). You know damn well, I can't afford to take off work for something, but I felt it was OK, and then your friend shows up and you're chasing. You're always trying to please everyone else BUT me. How does that work in a relationship?
I have no one, what do I do now?